HOUSEWIFE 101

Thank you for attending The Penny Pinching Diva’s International Community College of Knowledge. Todays lesson is continuing from: HOUSEWIFE 101.

LESSON 08:

Oh Orajel, how you have forsaken me.

Having a teething baby does not make for a happy and quiet house. My tried and tested Orajel has failed me. Regardless of its quoted “numbing” affects it worked no miracles for me, and I was left feeling frustrated and hopeless as I stared at my once angelic baby now screaming at the top of his lungs.

I quickly got myself together and started going down my mental list of things to do to soothe a teething baby that I had read in all of the best parenting magazines.

1. Soothing songs calm the soul.
   Okay, this I can do. I scooped him up in my arms, cradled him and begin singing to him softly. About ten seconds into my little diddy, I noticed that his voice had reached a couple notches higher in octaves and I was reminded once again why my high school choir teacher “recommended” a better elective for me. (Obviously the gift of voice was something I wasn’t blessed with.)
2. Cold as ice is twice as nice.
   Alright, maybe this is feasible. All I have to do is wet a corner of a small bath towel and put it in the freezer until semi frozen. And what am I suppose to do until then? 30 minutes later, after waiting all I could wait, I removed the towel from the freezer and hurriedly put it in his mouth. Negative. He was having none of that and basically looked at me as if to say, “Didn’t you just bathe me with that earlier this week?”
3. Teething rings and other things.
   By this time I am completely frustrated and my once neat ponytail has become frizzy around the edges. I quickly called my mom almost at the brink of tears. Four hours have passed already with no break. She told me to try a teething ring. So once again the waiting game begins. Finally I had a frozen, pretzel shaped ice pack in my hands. Crossing my finger, I try and give it to him. After one minute, I hear a loud thud on the floor. He has catapulted, with much strength might I add, his teething ring over the side of his crib.

That’s it. I’ve had it. The ponytail is no more, and I have proceeded to throw a mini hissy fit of my own, pregnant belly and all, in the middle of the living room.

After calming down, I take a deep breath and think “What would you do for a toothache?” I pick up my now hoarse one year old and hug him tightly. I put all of his baby bottle nipples in the freezer and give him a warm bath. I lotion him up and give him a dose of children’s Motrin. I then warm him up a milk bottle and use a cold nipple out of the freezer. Fifteen minutes later he is sound asleep. But poor mommy dearest me now has a headache. I guess you win some, you loose some.

SUMMARY OF TODAYS LESSON:
01. Do unto baby what you want done unto you.

That is all for todays lesson. Until we meet again.
~Shynea