STANDING ON MY SOAPBOX: MY OPINION ON MTVs 16 & PREGNANT
I was a teen mother. I make no qualms about it, nor do I hide the fact that I was. There are no if’s, and’s or but’s about my story. Straight to the point: I had my first child when I was 18 and then turned around and had another baby when I was 19. I cannot sensationalize my story.
My life from that point on was hard.
Not only did I have to take care of a child when I was still a child myself, but I was now in charge of a household, working, struggling to finish high school while I was pregnant and married to an abusive person who thought that it was better to hit than to talk. I had piled SO many things so high up on my plate that I couldn’t even see over it or around it to the other side; a side that I was hoping and praying was a lot better than the path I had chosen.
I struggled and cried on a daily basis.
Looking back, I know now that I suffered from depression. Depression that had gotten so severe at one point in my life that I prayed for death on a daily basis. Depression that had me craving the comfort that only sleeping could provide me. I could sink into a deep sleep and escape all of the extra life drama that I was suffering.
I wish MTV would have followed me.
I was a REAL teen mom. I am still a teen mom because I continuously struggle on a daily basis from the decisions that I have made. I didn’t start out my life on the right path. I wasn’t stable and I therefor brought my children into my unstable world. I was selfish and caused my innocent children to have to grow up right along with me.
Watching MTV’s 16 & Pregnant angers me. It sensationalizes teen moms. It makes it look as if raising a child at the tender age of 16 is easy. That all teen moms have supportive family members, parents or friends that are willing to babysit whenever they need a breather to party with the rest of their high school peers. It makes it looks as if diapers magically appear out of thin air when it is so obviously apparent that most of these girls don’t hold down a job. (I’m not saying all of them, but most of them don’t.) It eludes to the fact that all babies sleep through the night, don’t have colic and never put up any kind of road block at 1am in the morning when you are trying to finish up a paper that was due three days ago.
It isn’t real.
It doesn’t even touch on the aspect that having a baby doesn’t just touch the lives of the mother, but the lives of the people around her who may have to pick up where she slacks off. It doesn’t show the stories of the teen moms who’s parents aren’t so supportive and she has to make a decision on which bill she has to pay this month. It doesn’t show her counting change from the bottom of her purse just so she can buy the cheapest package of diapers for her baby because she just realized that she used her last one and payday isn’t for another three days.
Give me a camera. Give me some funding. Let me create a documentary.
And I will find you a teen mom that should be on tv. I will find you a teen mom that truly should be out there telling her story for other teenage girls to watch. I will tell the story of how domestic violence is affecting more girls who are 18 years and younger, and that at least 25% of those girls are pregnant or have had a baby with the person abusing them.
This is another way that media is failing us.
I would just like to see the truth put on tv for once.
** end rant **
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I couldn’t have said it better myself. The show doesn’t do anything but promote the idea that teen sex and parenthood is acceptable. It’s not. There is nothing cute about being 16 and pregnant which is how the show makes it seem. I don’t see anything positive about teenagers playing house on reality TV. End of story.
Funny you should bring this up. When I was leaving for NY this weekend my husband and I were talking about this show. My friend and I were talking about in it NY. I mentioned that I wasn’t sure I got the point of this show? Are they trying to galmorize teen pregancy or are they trying to say that being a teen mom is not a good thing? I can’t really figure it out. No, I was never a teen mom so I can’t speak from that perspective. But I know a few teen moms and their story is nothing like what they protray on MTV. I see these young ladies struggling to raise children when they are teens themselves. My heart goes out to them. It does really matter how they got to be a teen mom this is that they are and they need support and guidance on how to deal with the fact that they are so young and have a baby. I dont’ think MTV is doing justice to what it means to be a teen mom. Some girls may look at this and say “Hey I can be on MTV if I get pregnant”. Or they may think that being pregnant is not that bad. That is not the message they should be sending.
I meant to say it doesn’t matter how they got to be teen moms as much as it matters that they need support and guidance on how to deal with the fact that they are so young and have a baby. (SORRY ABOUT THAT TYPO)
Dear Rita,
I agree with you whole heartedly. If you have never seen an episode of this show I suggest that you watch it. I have already been bashed for my opinion, but my pet peeve with this show is the way that MTV is editing it. I’m not saying that these girls aren’t struggling, but if the most they are doing is showing them partying and throwing hissy fits then how are they portraying the struggles that a real teen mom is going through?
If I had a daughter I wouldn’t let her watch this show. It makes it look as if everything is all peaches-n-cream and it is the complete opposite.
Take care,
Shynea
I had my first child at 17 (got pregnant when I was 16) and my second at 19 (got pregnant when I was 18). While I did not have it as easy as these girls did my life was not nearly as bad as yours was. Sure I did not get to go out and party but I did have lots of family and friends around who were willing to help with the babies if I needed it. I finished highschool only half a semester behind which was because I took half a semester off when I had my first son, I graduated with 40 credits instead of 32 and I know own my own home, car and am in a loving and stable relationship with my highschool sweetheart adn the father of all FOUR of my kids.
I know that there are some teen moms who have it hard, but I see nothing wrong with showing the teen moms who don’t. There is a new season that just started of the show and I hear it is supposed to be better then others, look at the one that was on last week the boyfriend was an alcholic and refused to get a job, move closer or help support the baby so her family stepped up to help which most families would do in that situation. Ultimatly they broke up and he had not seen their baby since it was 2 days old. I think the new season may be more what you are looking for.
Dear Jessi,
Thank you so much for leaving a comment. I would just like to say that I LOVE to hear positive stories about teen moms. I am extremely happy that you have found such success in your life. Showcasing past teen moms, like yourself, who have made something of their lives would be an awesome reality show for a network. I hope to one day be in your position and own my own home.
I hope that this season has better potential than the past one. I saw the new episode and I was glad that MTV was able to shine a light on the not so positive aspect of a lot of teen pregnancies and relationships. It is a very rare circumstance when teen couples stay together after they have a baby. (I’m not saying all, some do manage to persevere and have long, healthy and happy relationships.)
I just hope that MTV highlights some of the good and the bad as well. I don’t want them to overshadow the entire show with depressing storylines, but I would like them to try and show other teenage girls that having a baby at a young age is a lot harder than what Farrah or the other girls display it as.
Take care,
Shynea
I met an obstetrician at a dinner party once and he said, in his 30 years of practice, his patients who were not married by the time their baby came had about a 95% chance of the boyfriend leaving for good. Jessi, I’m really glad for you all that you built a happy home together!
I agree that they chose mostly positive stories to show, and it’s not the whole picture. I’m the child of a teen mom. My mom had me at 17. What I remember most about my mother from my childhood is that she always blamed me for HER problems (including staying married to my abusive stepfather), and I was always with a babysitter, my grandparents, or sent to my aunt’s house when she didn’t feel like dealing with me.
Dear Amanda,
Hearinig things like this break my heart, but I too have witnessed this first hand from friends of mine who were born to teenage parents. It’s awful that the child gets blamed in this situation when they didn’t ask to be here. I am SO sorry to hear that your mother said things like that to you. If I could I would reach out and hug you right now.
A lot of women stay with their abusive husbands for their children. However, that is a decision that a “woman” makes. Not something that a child makes. I can guarantee that if I were to ask my boys whether they wanted to see me get hit or see me be happy they would choose the second one.
Thank you SO much for leaving a comment and telling your story. You are a strong woman to be able to even voice what you have been through.
Take care,
Shynea
That is a very powerful perspective, Amanda. My sister was the same way – my mother raised my oldest niece for about the first 6 years of her life because my sister was living her life, partying, etc. Who was hurt in the end? My niece. Who made those sacrifices? My niece. Who bore the brunt of my sisters bad decisions? My mom… and my niece.
There are so many facets of this issue that a television show just simply CANNOT touch.
I totally agree with you. I had my first child at 17 and by no means it was NEVER easy. This show in my opinion lives up to the typical stereotype of what a “teen mom” is. I don’t think they should even have a “reality” show on this. These girls seem VERY selfish and ungrateful of all the support they do have, the parents of the girls do most of the work. I just think the morals of our world are corrupt, when you start showcasing shows like this.
Thanks for the post! You said it best!
Dear April,
I agree that MTV is showing the stereotypical “teen mom” and I also agree that these girls are EXTREMELY selfish. There are a lot of teen girls out here would give their right hand for the kind of support that they receive from their family. Instead, we see these girls cursing out their parents for giving them advice or expressing their concern about going out too much.
Are they serious?
Number one, I would NEVER have the nerves to even form a curse word in my mouth towards my parents. I’m 27 and I avoid at all costs saying any type of curse words around my parents. I could never see myself putting all of my time, effort and money into my child’s child and they cuss me out when the only thing I am trying to do is help.
It’s just disrespectful.
Take care,
Shynea
I haven’t seen the show, not sure I want to because like you, I was a teen mom. First miscarriage at 17, first child at 18 to say it was a struggle is an understatement.
There was no babysitter so I could party, no supportive family to help me raise my son, no college or free time. Every single day was a struggle, only lessened because I had the support of a husband that was my rock through it all. I would guess even having that is a luxury!
Dear Cat,
I am really glad that you left a comment on here. I can emphasize with you a lot because it was hard on me as well. I am glad that you had the support of a good husband and that he was able to be your rock. I fought so much through my entire first years of being a mother that I really didn’t get a chance to enjoy it. I don’t see it as a luxury, I see it as a blessing and you totally deserved it.
Take care,
Shynea
You guys must be watching a different show. What about these stories are “positive”? I see struggle in these teens’ lives. I’ve seen them worry about money; they’ve struggled to finish/continue school. Perhaps the story-telling/editing isn’t right-on: they only have 60 minutes in a show, but I wouldn’t assume some of them are not stressing over the price of diapers. I don’t think for 1 second they are trying to glamourize/sensationalize teen pregnancy. If anything this show serves as a reality check.
Dear 05girl,
I’m watching the same show that you’re watching and if MTV was going to represent the lives of a “real” teenage mother they need to stop showcasing a bunch of spoiled little girls who are able to continuously go out and curse the very parents who are helping them. This show is glamorizing the aspect of teenage moms, because in those 60 minutes they could bring awareness to the STRUGGLE of having children at a young age.
But what they do instead? They show little girls getting in a tizzy because their parents are trying to give them good advice. They show girls slamming doors and “threatening” to never let their parent see their grandchildren again because they don’t want to listen. They show girls partying.
What they should be showing is the nitty gritty of being a teen mom. Late night feedings. Sick children. The emotional aspect of caring for a child at that young of an age.
Maybe you’re not watching the same show as me, but which one of these girls have worried about money except one. I’m not trying to “wonder” what’s going on behind the scenes. The ENTIRE point of this post was to show my disapproval at the way that MTV is editing this show.
There is absolutely NO reality check in this show. If anything it’s letting girls know that they can continue to try and go on about their lives and if they have half way decent parents they will do what they don’t want to do.
It’s all well and good to have a different opinion, but make sure that you understand what I am trying to say and not assume that I am saying that all of these girls aren’t struggling. My pet peeve is with what is produced for tv.
Take care,
Shynea
I was not a teen mom, so I can’t add that perspective, but I can say that I don’t think there is a need to put such a positive spin on it. While there will always be success stories, MANY teen moms don’t have the luxury of having families to help support them. I think if they’re going to show all these uplifting stories about teen moms you’re right – they need to also show the difficult side of it. Follow a teen that is kicked out of her home and now lives on the street or the homeless shelter. Follow a teen who is abused by her boyfriend, or who can’t afford food or diapers for her baby. Make it real.
Dear Katie,
You have put it perfectly. This is EXACTLY what I was trying to say I just couldn’t get the words to come out as well as you did. I am all about showing the positive, but there is also a negative that is being clouded over in this “reality” show.
Thank you so much for commenting, and writing what I was thinking.
Take care,
Shynea
EXACTLY! Finally someone gets the point lol If they are trying to prevent teen pregnancy or serve as a wake up call, they should be airing the worse case scenarios more often than not, IMO.
I agree with you. I also think that nothing is ever as it seems on television. I’m sure those mom’s get offers from friends and family to babysit all the time and help, etc. because the cameras are rolling. What real person wants to look “bad” on television?
See, that is exactly why I say that there is nothing real about reality TV. They are only going to show what they want people to see and that doesn’t benefit anyone in reference to THIS show.
I totally agree!! I wrote a little bit about this on my blog a while ago. I just don’t see the point of the show. :/
http://swampbrat.net/2009/07/18/things-that-bugged-me-this-week/
So glad you got on your SOAPBOX concerning this issue. My sister was a teen mother and I know how difficult life can be for the entire family of a young teenaged mom. I have not seen the MTV show, but I would think that the powers that be at MTV would be more responsible as it relates to the message they send teenagers. What’s really disappointing is that MTV is missing an oppotunity here. The opportunity to influence young girls by showing the REAL SIDE of teenage motherhood. Like showing the mother struggling with the balance of school and childcare. Show how isolating teenage pregnancy is; How the young girl loses friends and support because of the discrimination and judgment from other mothers and society. Show how a once loving young man dismisses his now pregnant girlfriend because he does not know how and does not have a desire to be a father. Show the young girl going to the doctor and finding out that she is not only pregnant but she also has an STD, and even worse the dreaded HIV virus. Show how a family that was struggling before to support a teenager now becomes crippled because there is another mouth to feed and body to clothe. Oh, and show how this innocent young baby somtimes suffers or even dies because the thought of bringing a baby into the world when your just a young baby yourself can push people to do things unimaginable, like having abortions or dumping babies in the trash. Show how some of these mothers never get the prenatal care they need and as a result the baby is born lacking. MTV where is your social conscienousness!
Dear Nanette,
I too would like to see some of the situations that you have described above. At first I thought I was being morbid because I felt as if MTV wasn’t showing enough of the bad side. But in order to start preventing more teenage pregnancies I feel that we need to educate our teens on more then just one aspect of being a teen mom. We have to let them know that the decision that they make to have sex and then have a baby has consequences.
I’m not saying that the entire show should be all doom and gloom, but I feel as if it isn’t balanced enough.
Thank you for your comment. I love getting feedback.
Take care,
Shynea
Well said!
I applaud your mature retrospective look at your life and your honest expression of how it really was/is. I hope you can get funding to make your own documentary! Teens out there need to hear it and see it before it happens to them. I’m so grateful my parents did their best to create a safe and loving home environment, and that they taught me to wait until marriage to have sex. I accepted their counsel because that’s what they had done and they were a happy couple.
Eight years later, I can say I believe my marriage is strong in part because we chose to exercise that self-control during dating and engagement, and were both virgins on our wedding day. Self-control helps us to not fight and to talk things out when we disagree, it helps us to put each other first and work for the common good of our little family. It also meant our dating relationship was more about us as individuals and how well we interacted, than the hot sex we might have been having. I really wish there was more said about the strength that comes when we choose to wait.
Dear Michelle,
You have touched on another subject that isn’t covered in the media today. (I’m guessing because waiting until your married isn’t as “exciting” as having sex before you’re married.) There are a lot of teens out here who have taken the vow to wait until they are married to have sex. I know that I wish I would have waited. I have even talked to other people, including men, who wish they would have waited as well.
I can’t change my decision now, but I can guide my children to make a better decision than what I made. I have always told my children that I want them to be better than me. I don’t want them to have to settle for less or settle for what they are handed.
I am glad to hear that you and your husband waited and I would love to have you do a guest post on Penny Pinching Diva.
Take care,
Shynea
That is such a rare and BEAUTIFUL story!!! THAT is what the media should be focusing on. More exposure on people who are actually DOING things the right way (you know, instead of the way I did them LOL) would give teens a true model of what responsibility looks like and not just coming from their parents mouths (because let’s face it – who listens to their parents???)
Kudos and I wish you and your husband MANY more years of love and happiness!!!
You said exactly what I have wanted to say for the longest time! That show is everything that is wrong with children today…it’s like a psa for how not to be a teen mom, but it makes it look like a cake walk to teen girls and it is an EPIC FAIL on the part of MTV!
I was a mom at 19 and it was hard. While I did have very supportive parents who helped me deal with the issue of being a mom at such a young age they did not allow me to turn a blind eye to my responsibility. I cannot for the life of me understand how the parents of these “teen moms” allow themselves to be treated the way most of them are.
I think that MTV should really rethink the casting process, though I’m sure that “real” is not what they want and that is obvious by the choices they make in who makes it on the show. I agree with you 100% if they are going to show what being a teen mom is all about they need to have a real teen mom who works hard, takes her job as a mother seriously, and does not depend on her parents to raise her baby!
Dear Allison,
You are so right. I think that MTV failed a lot when they casted the first season of this show. (I would have LOVED to see the casting/tryout tapes for this show.) I have received so much bashing for my opinions, the fact that people think that this is a realistic detail of how life is with a baby, but seeing as I have been there myself this show is far from reality.
I just feel like they could have used this show as an educational point and not so much for the drama.
Take care,
Shynea
I only watched the show once, but they do seem to make it appear pretty easy. They don’t show the kids dealing with the hard parts of it and I could easily see most teens walking away thinking “wow, it doesn’t look that hard”.
My sister was a teen mom, pregnant in her senior year of H.S. and she had the support and it was still hard.
A show like this does a disservice unless it shows the full spectrum of teen pregnancy.
Well said i agree with you. I dont really care for that show. I was not a teen mom but my mother was at the age of 15. I was her first born and she told me of the struggles constantly. It is not a game. These kids do need to see the real side. For once reality tv needs to be real.
Dear Sandra,
I agree with you that reality needs to be real. It’s really only produced for ratings and MTVs show is taking out the educational value of the show. I was a teen mom at 18 and it was hard so I can only imagine what your mother, at 15, had to go through.
Take care,
Shynea
I have watched this show with my daughter and it does look like these teens are chosen in a good stable environment. They may have a little part time job but most still live at home with their parents and they still manage to date, go hang out and stay in school etc.
I was a teen mom at the age of sixteen, I did have a supportive family and boyfriend but, I did struggle. My family gave me tough love! It was the “you made your bed, now you have to lie in it approach” I had to work and finish my education while maintaining a good GPA if I wanted to remain living at home.
I worked at Applebee’s as a server PT on Friday’s, Saturday’s and Sunday’s and was the BEST server so I could get those TIPS! That had to last me the whole week until my next shift. $2.90/hr is nothing for wages. The Tips is where you make your money!
I did what was required of me by my family to remain at home. I graduated on time and raised my daughter. I sacraficed a lot but, when you have a baby it’s not about you anymore. My teenage years were by far anything I’ve seen on sixteen and pregnant. I agree with Katie, they need to find an at risk female adolescent and give the REAL DEAL of being a pregnant teenager.
Dear Jen,
I feel your pain on the struggle of being a teen mom. I held down a job as a hostess all throughout my pregnancy. I worked during the week after school and on the weekends and it was so hard because I was on my feet my ENTIRE shift. Eight months and pregnant AND having to stand up, I was no happy camper. But I did what I had to do.
My parents were very supportive of me, but they also let me know that this was my decision and they would be there IF I really needed it, but they were no longer going to provide for me and spoil me like a child because I was no longer a child. They treated me like an adult because I was soon going to have a child of my own.
To me tough love, within in reason, is the best love.
Take care,
Shynea
i agree with shynea. the shows glorifies teen pregancy. its terrible. I was a teen mom at 17 and my daughter was born with special needs. i was a senior in high school with a daughter who was confined to a wheel chair and couldnt do anything for herself. then at the age of 19 i had my second daughter and the realtionship with their dad was bad. he was abusive to the point tht he tried to push me down the stairs whn i was 8 months pregnant. like shynea said i suffered from periods of depression and worthlessness. i felt like my life was gone. i then turned around and had another baby at the age of 21. it was a hard being a single mom-the dad was a a$$hole! he didnt do anything for the kids. if they r going to do a teen pregnancy show…show all sides of it!
Dear Kenesha,
It breaks my heart to hear this story. I didn’t know that you had been through all of this. (((hugs))) I agree with you, this show is glorifying teen pregnancy. It has SOME realistic aspects, but for the most part it isn’t even close to what an AVERAGE teenage mother goes through.
I know for a fact that your life has turned around. I know that you have a good husband and that any happiness you get from here-on-out is well deserved.
Take care,
Shynea
how timely:
Article from eOnline.
That’s an opinion.
umm…yeah. And so is your post.. an opinion.
To whomever you are,
This is MY blog and I can write MY opinion all day, every day all up and through here. I don’t mind a debate but your comments don’t contribute ANYTHING to the post. You can keep your one liners to yourself. If YOU have something that YOU need to say, then by all means take it to YOUR website or wherever you express yourself. Baiting me does nothing and if you don’t appreciate anything that I have to offer on my website then why continue to come?
Your time could be better spent elsewhere.
Shynea
Hi Shynea,
This post nearly had me in tears! I got pregnant when I was 19 and turned 20 during my pregnancy. I am now 21. I also had it tough…luckily it was before my first child. My biological father sexually harassed me when I was young and my stepfather physically abused me and my mother up until I was 16…because he kicked me out. My mom is in the process (finally) of divorcing him. My relationships with boys growing up all had problems. I seemed to be only attracted to controlling and violent ones. The only good thing that came out of all that was that I was forced to grow up at a very young age. The most stability I ever felt in my life is with my baby’s father and his family. They accepted me and showed me the real meaning of family and happiness. My mom didn’t talk to me about anything…because she has her own issues with her life and my life while growing up was clearly not normal. I thought parenting was going to be easy…because all that I know about parenting are from movies and television. Boy was I wrong! Everybody seemed to know it is hard accept for me…everybody seemed to know that the first couple of months you’d have to wake up every 2 hours to feed the baby…or that you’d lose contact with your friends because you became a mother while they are still partying every weekend. I was quite a popular girl…I had many “friends”. I had no one visit me in the hospital when I gave birth and 3 people visited me during the first month after giving birth. I have only one good friend that I talk to now. It’s lonely and it is NOT easy.
I haven’t personally watched that show…everytime I see the title on the tv guide I just skip right over it. Teen pregnancy is now a very sensitive subject for me. If it’s anything like you say it is then that is rather unfortunate for American teenagers. We are influenced highly by television whether we would like to admit it or not. I wish that somebody could’ve shown me the reality of having a baby and the hardships that we would have to go through…unglamourized. I’m lucky that I have such supportive in laws and a great fiance, because if I didn’t…I don’t even know if I could do it.
Dear YoungMom,
I found out very quickly when I got pregnant, and then had my first son, that they people I thought were “friends” were anything but. I also looked at them differently. The things that they were participating in and doing, I no longer had an interest in. It also opened my eyes up to how carefree a life I use to have and I realized that I didn’t want my own children to do even a fourth of the things that I had done before I got pregnant and gave birth to him.
I hate to hear that you were physically abused. That is no way for a child to live, and it is up to the biological parent to protect them. It’s good that your mom is getting a divorce. I know that that had to be a HUGE step for her because so often abused women live in fear on a daily basis for their life.
I am glad that you have such a good support system behind you, because I really do think that it takes a village to raise a child. Yes, many parents have to do it on there own, but many will also admit that if they had close family and friends willing to partake in bringing up their children, things would go a lot smoother.
Take care and please keep me updated on you!
Shynea
I wish that that show could follow me around. I am a single mom of two girls, I hold down a fulltime job and attend college fulltime. now if they wanna see some real real life struggles.
Dear Stacy,
Your story is EXACTLY what should be on tv and not these overly spoiled teenagers running around. I know many people will not agree with me, but there are quite a few that do. I don’t understand why MTV can’t use their presence to actually teach a valuable lesson instead of harping on the drama.
Take care,
Shynea
Forgive me if this has already been said, I honestly didn’t take the time to read all the responses **blushes** the kids are keeping me hopping today!
I have a 14 year old cousin. Her and her friends all watch this show. I’ve never seen it. I do, however, hear them talk about it. If MTVs message is to show how hard it is to be a teen mom, they’re failing. The girls that I know personally that watch this show say things like “I want to have a little baby.” “My mom would totally babysit.” “Wouldn’t my baby looks so cute all dressed up in pretty dresses?” “That mom was a brat, I wouldn’t be like that.” Honestly, I’m frightened. I’m scared of what these television programs show teenagers in America. I agree with you wholeheartedly. It’s time that MTV and these girls get a reality check. By even having a show that focuses on being a teen mother, they are sensationalizing teen pregnancy. How many kids think “If I were to get pregnant, maybe I can be on TV too?” It disgusts me.
Dear Shaun,
I have said those exact same words. I even got into a dispute with someone that said that this show was scary enough to scare her teenagers. Can you please tell me what is so scary about this “reality” show?
Absolutely nothing.
I talked to my 15 year old sister and she said the EXACT same thing your cousin said. It makes it looks as if having a baby is all fun and giggles. Instead of really scaring teens out there, and making them think twice, it is actually encouraging more of them to want to have babies.
I cannot stress the many times I have heard a teen girl say I want a baby to love and so they can love me back forever. It’s just so sad.
Take care,
Shynea
Well put and said!!! I was also at teen mom at 19 in college out of state away from my family. While my son’s father enjoyed every bit of his college experience, I was at school with my baby and working during school hours. It was extremely difficult at times and thank God for real friends. Some of my friends sacrificed for me and helped out when they could. And my family back home wasn’t excited at first but then got on board with me. So it’s not what they show they leave out SOOOO much about the struggle. But I’m grateful to have finished college with an accounting degree and work in my profession this very day…it was all worth it. My son is a A student. The program needs to remodeled…with real life stories to show that walk of life.
I couldn’t agree with you more. I was a teen mom at age 16 & it was NOTHING like they are showing on MTV.
I am not a teen mom or even a mom, but I watch the show they act like this is the first time people have been a teen mom. These girls are very rude and disrespectful they think that their parents are responsible for their kids. All of the girls need a reality check.
Well I’m a product of a teen mother. I’ve never seen the show (I don’t have cable). I’m a social worker and worked in a group home for teen mother’s. Let me tell that’s where they need to tape a show. It was so touching how you said you are still a teen mother because of the choices you made as a teen. What I would like to add is that my mother had me as a teen (she was 15). It’s funny how life works out. My sister and I both are college educated. My mother denounces teen parenting. She says that really she had no one to tell her right from wrong. She now believe young women have more options and access (I not sure if I totally agree). But she believes that young women should take more responsiblity for their bodies and their choices (I do agree). We must teach our young ladies to be just that. Most of the young girls I tried to help are only seeing now what I tried to teach them, life is hard and it’s what you make it and get your education. It’s the only way out!
I say if you really dislike the shows concept start a letter campaign. Don’t just complain about it change it! I’m here to help though I’ve never seen the show.
So eloquently and truthfully spoken. First, let me say kudos for you for such a great job helping us save money!! I read about you in Essence and I have been following you ever since. I appreciate you!!!!
Now, to comment on your post.
Technically, I was not a teen mom. I was twenty, with a job, living 3000 miles from home in the military. Yes, I had a job! And it was still hard because I was still a teen mentality. I was depressed and with an emotionally abusive ‘baby daddy’ that decided he wasn’t ready to be a father and left me high and dry to do it by myself. I couldn’t even take my first legal drink because I was eight months pregnant. Like you I cried all the time and brought an emotionally traumatized child into the world, whom I believe didn’t make a fuss because she instinctively felt that I might leave her if she did. And looking back, I very well may have.
It has not been an easy road. She is almost seventeen, we haven’t heard from her father since she was three. But we have fallen in love with each over the years. (Regardless of how they make look on TV, all women are not wired with motherly insticts.) And it’s a very frustrating thing to watch shows like that, so instead of cursing at the TV, I talk to my daughter and give her the real. I don’t sugarcoat it to make it seem like I planned to have this beautiful baby that I could love. She knows that she is only here because of God’s grace because her mama was stupid and didn’t listen when she was young and got caught up trying to be grown after leaving her parents’ home just two years earlier. We still struggle without child support, but I have a decent job, and I’m also a writer with my first book published just last year. But she understands that it had to be a dream deferred because I had to raise her before I could do anything for myself, like write.
I was scared to death when I found out she was a girl because I didn’t want to risk the cycle being repeated. But she has been a blessing and has taught me so much about myself and I’m glad to have had the opportunity not just to be a mom, but to be her mom. But all young women under the age of thirty without a decent man in their life needs to understand that even if you got a good job, a good man, and your own place, that is still no reason to just up and decide to get pregnant. Build a life and get some life experience before you decide to bring another life into the world. Because once it’s here, you can’t change your mind and give it back; and you can’t half step on its care. I could go on and on, but if you ever decide to make that ‘real’ documentary, please give me a call. BTW, I wrote a story that chronicles my experience with young motherhood in the Chicken Soup for the African-American Woman’s Soul. It’s called ‘Lesson for a New Life.’
Oh, and another show that I have grown to loathe is ABC Family’s “My Secret Life as an American Teenage.” It is off the chain, and I don’t know which is worse; the scary dose of reality on MTV that kids might imitate, or the potential of life to imitate ‘art’ on ABC Family. (ABC ‘Family’…Really??)
Hey Shynea!
I too was a teen mother at 18, but wasn’t in a situation like you endured…bless your heart and so proud that you were able to get out of that situation. Overall I agree with what you posted here…but I do let my soon to be 16 year old watch this. And I point out to her all the things that won’t happen up in here if she get pregnant. I WILL not watch her child so she can go out and continue to be a high schooler like she have no responsibility…I will NOT give her a baby shower and invite all her friends. I WILL not make it easy for her, opening another avenue for her to have another child before the first one is able to talk. I told her this is not how it goes down when you are 16 and pregnant. And it is NOT cute!! I think the problem come in when parents don’t sit down and let their kids know that this show is not a true reality of the struggles of a teen mother and there will be some even if you have a supportive family. I had a fairly supportive family but my then boyfriend and I were a bit more mature than a lot of our peers…and stood up to 1 Cor 13:11, even though we were 18 and 17 respectively. I did things far beyond my years, moved to my own apartment and got married about a year after having my son (will be married 18 yrs this coming June)..rarely did I depend on anyone to help me with the rendering of my son….AND THIS WAS NO EASY FEAT!!! I moved away from home when I was 20 and had no one to depend on being a new military wife and about to give birth to my second. My life is a tad different than most teen mothers, but trust and know it truly wasn’t easy. Thank God my son is grown, in the military and doing well and my daughter is a great teenager—most times! But raising them some parts of their life as a married single mother was not easy as a military wife.
I tell my children that having kids at an early age WILL make life harder for you on more than one level…it took me nearly six years to get a TWO year degree…due in part of being a military wife and we moved a lot and then I had go part time because there were so many other factors that I had to consider–husband working rotating 12 hr shifts, then deployments, one vehicle, couldn’t afford day care, etc. Every thing I did I had to think of my children first…see that show doesn’t show all of that!!!
I’m looking forward to the next season and will be right in front of the TV with my daughter…I’m sure she is tired of hearing me tell her how hard it is to be a teen parent…but I want to break the generational curse of teen parents in my direct family starting with HER! If I don’t continue to tell her of my struggles having and raising her and her brother then I will fail her as a mother..and I still tell my son too!!! In these times there is NO reason for a teenage girl to get pregnant!!