SOMETIMES A MARRIAGE & FRIENDSHIPS FALL APART; THAT’S THE WAY LIFE GOES
I’m going through a hard time right now in my life.
Without getting too much into it, life has dealt me a rough hand and I am trying to cope with it as best as possible. There are days where I definitely don’t think I will make it another second. There are days where my children are the only things that keep me going. And then there are days where I just curl up on the couch and wish it to be tomorrow already.
It’s life. It sucks. But I’m dealing.
When things happen to me in my life that are hard to deal with I keep everything to myself. If not for my own sanity, but for those around me. I have always been an internal person. I like to deal with things first, by myself, before I even begin to ask for advice or help. Most of the time I don’t even ask for help. This is how it has been since I was younger. I have never been one to “chat it up” and pour my heart and soul out to someone. I have done that before and in the end I have always been the one to get hurt.
I have friends, or so I thought. How “true” they are is still a mystery.
I have people in my life that don’t understand my need to deal with my current bout of problems on my own first. I can’t talk about them. I’m sorry. I’m not an emotional person, and when I get to that point I like to keep my emotions to myself before I can even begin to try to explain them to someone else. (The reason I do this is because I am still trying to sort out my emotions for myself. How can I explain something that I don’t even understand?)
Instead of having my friends have my back, I have them talking about me behind my back. I have them turning their back on me because I’m not doing what is comfortable for them. Can I call these people selfish? Yes I can. Why? Because how can you honestly make a situation be about you that has absolutely nothing to do with you? How can you honestly get offended, and dare say pissed, when someone won’t talk to you about THEIR problem?
If a friend is suppose to know you through-and-through, shouldn’t they put their own selfish wants and needs aside for two seconds to try to even begin to fathom what you are going through?
I guess that that is too much to ask. So instead of dealing with one hurt in my life, I have added several smaller hurts on top of it for no apparent reason. Why? Because I won’t talk about it right now? Because I won’t listen to you babble on-and-on about how the pieces of your life puzzle is falling together just right? Please excuse me for being human. I apologize now. I have no idea what I was thinking.
I’m just going through a lot of hurt right now with no one to lean on. Isn’t life grand?
So that leaves me not having a lot of time to do the things I love, like keep up with this blog like I want to. I expect for things to not be good for a long time, but I don’t expect for me to be away from this website for too much longer. I’m sorting through all kinds of emotions and as soon as I can see through to the other side I will definitely be back in full swing.
Thank you, to those who still visit, for understanding and coming back day-after-day.
Prayer helps and this is something that I do on a daily basis.
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Shynea, friends that can’t be there for you when you need them most, even if that means giving you your space, were never friends to begin with. I do understand how you feel about wanting to figure out problems on your own before dealing with the gads of advice you’ll get. There’s nothing wrong with that and you know what is best for you. ((HUGS))
(((hugs))) sweetie! I agree with Cat.
I am another that will keep it to myself & try to figure it out forever before I bring it to someone else attention… but I will be all ears & understanding & try to be helpful for others.. I just can’t bring up that thought process if it deals with me.
A real friend should love you no matter how you feel, act or display emotions… Now if you went around shooting everyone or taking out huge ads slamming someone, that may be hard to accept & understand… but just because you are not ready to share what is going on in your heart & head, should not give so called friends reason to dump on you.
hugs & prayers…
A true friend would understand without passing judgement. Praying for you and giving you big hugs.
I want to say thank you for sharing! I dont know you on a personal level but I visit your site often and for the past few months from what I have read you have a VERY big heart! Thank you for being so transparent! Life happens to all of us on a daily basis and you have chosen to be open and honest and that means a lot;I pray that the trial you going through passes quickly, God wont bring you to it if he cant pull you through it. Trials only make us stronger! May God continue to bless you my sister; Keep your head high and your faith even higher!
I agree, if they aren’t going to be here when you need people the most, the they aren’t worth your time. **hugs** I’m sorry you have all this going on =(
Shynea, you’re in my prayers. I’m like you in that I like to keep things to myself, at least for awhile at first, and try to deal with things on my own. There’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. Different people handle situations differently. That’s just what it is. I really hope that you feel better soon.
First off, I have to say I agree 100% with Cat. She nailed it on the head right away.
I am here for you, as I know many others are. It is good that you will be keeping your blog alive, because it is where we are!
Such is life…
I have learned one thing about so called friends… there are “friends” and there are “acquaintences”. Acquaintances come and go like the seasons, but your “friends” are probably only a select few who have been and will always be there. Do what’s right for you, your true friends will understand. Hope everything works out for the best
You’re totally right. A friend who takes things personally when she knows you’re going through a lot is a sucky friend.
But a friend that deserves a second chance, no?
I love you honey.
I understand completely. I have very few true friends, but they are all people who will be there for me no matter what. I often keep my deepest, darkest problems to myself, but I know that when I’m feeling better my friends will still be there even if I “neglected” them for a little while. They know that they can expect the same from me. I have cut off the people who only cared about my drama so they could tell others or make themselves feel “important” by helping me. Sometimes it does help to get advice or support from others, but in the end only you can live your life. If you feel like you are the only one who can sort things out, then that is fine! Like everyone else has said, just take care of yourself first, and your true friends (and loyal readers) will still be here when you get back. Don’t worry about other people right now.
Oh hun!! I truly am so sorry that you are going through this. I am so sorry that your friends are not able to be there for you the way you need them to be. I know I said this before but I am praying for you and your gorgeous boys everyday. I completely understand the need to process things before sharing them. I am like that – I want to know exactly what my plan is before I talk about it. God Bless.
Wow, I’m so sorry you’re going through a tough time!! They will get better….pray. Sometimes friend and family are the ones that hurt us the most. You have to be strong for your children and take care of yourself!! There IS ALWAYS sunshine past the clouds. I understand you having to do you. Love your page and will await your return.
I totally understand what you are going through first of all. I can truly say me and you are just alike. I keep my feelings and problems to myself since as long as I can remember. I know you don’t know me real well but I feel your pain. I can truly say if you need someone to talk to I am here. I love you even if I have not known you all my life. Shynea I can’t begin to tell you the mental and physical abuse I went through as a child. I cry everyday when my children go to school and when my husband go to work and I don’t know why. As I sit here typing I can’t control the tears because all I have is flashbacks of my childhood. In and out of foster homes and children’s homes. I kept all the pain inside. Shynea it beat me up for years and its still doing it. My daughters are my pride and joy and I truly pray everyday for God giving them to me. I used to be ashamed to even tell anyone about what I’ve been through but when I talk about it I get a sense of relief telling people what I went through. If you don’t talk about it the pain never goes away. I had so much abuse from my childhood and I brought it into my marriage in 1994, boy was I wrong for doing that. I almost lost the greatest man of all by pushing him away. I was the abusive person in the relationship. I did to him what people did to me when I was growing up. I thank God that man stayed by my side and never left me. God really sent that man to me. Shynea I’m not an affectionate person at all, because I was never shown how to love, but I try to show it everyday and its still a challenge for me. If you ever need to talk I’m here. I can see me and you talking with our box of kleenex. I’ve been with my husband for 16 year and he doesn’t even know everything that’s happening in my life. Let me tell you by looking at me you don’t know that I have a story to tell. I have to stop pushing the people away who love me. I don’t have many friends. My sisters are my friends, because they are the ones I can count on. I fought all my life. That’s all I knew how to do. I would never let anyone get close to me, but I pray everyday that God make me and my relationship stronger. If you need a friend my sister I will be always here for you, through think and thin. All I can say is that God specializes in things that is impossible, and I can say prayer does have power in any situation. Love you and keep God first.
Hi Amanda, If you ever need to talk you know I’m here just call me I LOVE YOU, AND MY SHOULDERS ARE ALWAYS AVAILABLE FOR YOU TO CRY ON. CALL ME
Just know that this to shall pass! God is with you and you are in my prayers!
Peace and Blessings!
I have to agree with all of the response, I don’t usually post on your site but visit quite often, I pray that whatever your going thur works out in your favor and remember everything happens for a reason. God bless you and your family. (I can relate)
Shynea.. my prayers will be with you. I feel like you .. and keep everything in and don’t confide in anyone. I had a family that lied and turned their backs on me, and I felt like if I couldn’t trust my own family who could I trust? So.. take your time, pray and trust God .. he’s the only one you can depend on. Take Care.. love and big hugs…
I understand all too well. Hang in there and I will be sending prayers your way.
Hugs, baby—and lots of prayers being sent your way. I hope you find clarity, and, above all else, peace.
Hang in there and worry about the friend issues later after you have dealt with the bigger things. Take time some for yourself and don’t feel guilty about it.
I understand Shynea, because I am the exact same way. I keep things bottled up inside. I can count on one hand how many ‘real’ friends I have, who will not judge me and who will be there when I need them. I’m praying that everything works out for you. Take care.
Shynea, i haven’t been on in a long time. I am sorry to hear you are having a rough time. May God give you peace that surpases all understanding and may the joy of the Lord be your strength. Friendships go through seasons as everything else in life and maybe the season for those friendships is over. I will be praying for you. God Bless.
I’ve often wondered what it is that makes people cause even more hurt to someone when they see them in pain already. I went through a similar situation and it’s rough, in the end you will come out a stronger person with a lesson learned. In the meantime ((((hugs)))) & prayers to you, may God give you the strength. Blessings,
Nonebetter
Shynea, I am so sorry to hear this. Please know that you are in my prayers and remember it will all be better in the morning through the grace of God.
Girl ain’t nothing like a momma, and you know I got your back so take your time figure it out and ifyou need me I’m like God my line is never busy, faithful 24/7 just call if you need me I’ll be there. God puts no more on you than he knows you can handle so this to shall pass. Love and Hugs Mommy
I’m here if/when you need me. I am praying for all of you daily. Prayers are answered. I love ya!
Look to God He will give you strength and remember Jesus is the only friend you really need.
I hear you lady! I am the same way and people don’t get it. I hope you find the peace you need and we’re all here for you to listen if you need us!
Just pray about it and remember there is nothing like Peace of Mind.
So sorry to hear you’re going through such a rough time. Take all the time you need to get things sorted out on your end. Take care and know that you have lots of people rooting for you!
I feel your pain!!!! going threw somethings my self it’s hard. but we have to let go and let God have his way!!! im praying for you!!! Know that I don’t know you on a personal level, but i know in my heart you are a Great Person!!!! stay strong!!! its hard i Know.
Latonya
Big hugs to you Shynea! Keep your head to the sky. I can feel your sadness from here and my heart goes out to you. You’re bigger than all of this, even when you don’t feel like it. I appreciate you girl!
Big Hugs To you. I agree with the other comments. I know you don’t know me. But I read your blog everyday. I am the same way. I go inward. You know what is best for you. I will keep you in my prays
Do what you need to do for YOU, first because if you’re not okay, nobody else who depends on you can be okay. When everything settles down and you feel the need to revisit that stuff with your friend, then do so. If not, so be it. When the dust settles, you’ll find that the wind has blown mostly everyone else away. But only those strong enough to hang on will remain (including friends.) Tie a knot and hang on, girl! This, too shall pass.
Shynea,
Hang in there. Believe that everything will get better. In my darkest moments, when those I loved turned their backs, and all I had were my little ones depending on me to be strong. I would ask “what has I done to have others turn their backs and treat me that way”. My questions were answered by letting me know that I was being strengthened for the future. For more to come. And more did come. But now I could go thru it all over again and know everything will work itself out.
Don’t force anything. Your feelings are normal. You will work it all out for yourself.
You are not alone. You have a loyal following of women who make changes in the lives of others or we would not be scouring the pavement to make lives better for our families. Sounds to me like your coming into the knowledge and transition of who you were called to be at another level. Hard to believe, you have a ministry w/in this website. God had chosen you to lead hundreds of thousands of women by your character and moral integrity. In turn, we have followers too.
Im not sure where/what your faith is, but tell me where have you read that it was easy to be a leader? The prophet Nathan advised king David that God makes it hard to be a king. Take this time of separation to ask God, “What have you called me to do? Separated me from? And, what are you manifesting in my life for my good?” You’d be surprised what this “sabatical” is cleansing from your spirit-man.
Friends will come and go according to the “divine will” of God. Our unfortunate part is, we cannot control life b/c we are not the Creator.
I can identify w/you greatly as if you took the words right out of my mouth. One day as I was going thru some issues concerning my husbands priorities, I admitted to a friend that I was afraid b/c I could not control this part of my life and I had to let God get my husband in check. I cried almost everyday b/c I felt unloved and not in his minds priority. Every little girl wants her prince to sweep her off her feet and take care of her so she would have no worries. Well, I got the poor ghetto guy that never learned how to love b/c his papa was a rollin stone. Love was a 4-letter word not a commandment.
My point is, dont be afraid of this time. Talk when you need to talk. Pray/meditate at will when your spirit needs to commune with Wisdom. Each experience right now is shaping a far more greater future than you can understand. Cry, walk, write, read, blog, analyze…whatever it takes to release stress…do it. Your not crazy, although it feels very necessary to medicate…lol
This is a tough time but you will have a greater testimony for us when this valley experience brings you to a mountain top.
Oh no. I am so sorry to hear this. I didn’t know that you were having such a hard time. My prayers are with you sweety. I pray for healing in your marriage. Can there be any resolve I hope? I hate to see marriages break apart. I just went through it with my parents who were married for 37 years. So painful.
Anyway, I am so blessed to have you as a virtual friends and I really do pray that things will turn around for you.
God bless, DAWN