STANDING ON MY SOAPBOX: WHEN DID THE AMOUNT OF CHILDREN I HAVE BECOME YOUR BUSINESS
This post has been in the making for awhile now. I have inadvertently tried to avoid it, as I didn’t want to make light of having what some deem as a “large” family. But now that I think of it, what is the “proper” definition of what a large family really is?
I am proud of my children, all four and a half of them.
When we go out in public, whether it’s to restaurants, the movies, or just our regular grocery shopping trips, I always get compliments on how well behaved and mannerable they are. (Okay, this mostly applies to three of them as Tooty has a mind of his own sometimes and loves to prove the opposite of anything positive said about me. *smiles*) I make sure that my children are presentable whenever we step foot out of the house. (Okay, most of the time. There have been a few instances where we had to go to the store quick, fast, and in a hurry, and a few said children may have had on some mismatched pajamas and questionable shoes.) Overall, I have trained my children to behave well in public. (Their behavior at home may be a little different, but we don’t have company that often so it’s okay. *smiles*)
Sometimes when we troop into a store, I have people stare at me, mother hen, with her four little boys filed behind her and a belly protruding in front of her. I get everything from questions like “Are they all yours?” to statements like “Your little brothers are SOOOOO cute.” Because how dare one think that I could actually be the mother of four with one on the way? Although on most days I have enough patience to reply politely to these random strangers comments, there are those few days where I can’t bite my tongue, no matter how hard I clench my teeth together.
On one occasion, I even had someone ask me if I planned on stopping after this pregnancy. When I replied no, they said “you should.”
Yes, someone had the audacity to imply that five is a lot of kids and should be enough for anyone. I could have said a few choice words, (because sometimes with lack of sleep and carrying an extra 30+ pounds I have been known to say choice words), but I withheld what I really wanted to say. Which brought on my smart reply of “I actually want to have ten kids, because that would only be fair.” I was met with a confused look, and a slightly ajar mouth, to which I replied, “Oh, don’t worry. I would never ask you to babysit. I only take donations.” (Or something to that affect.)
I can only imagine what the Duggar family has to go through when they’re out in public.
I feel as if five is the new nineteen sometimes. What’s even more baffling to me is that people will stand there as if I owe them an explanation as to why I have chosen to have the amount of children that I have. When I think of a “large” family, my family doesn’t even come in my mind. I think big families are beautiful. I think every child is a blessing. I would never question anyone’s decision about their family choices, whether they have chosen to have one child to ten children to none at all.
I have strong feelings about Nadya Suleman and her family decisions. Although I feel as if anyone would have strong feelings about her decision to have fourteen children as a single parent. In her situation she made a family decision that wasn’t the norm for a lot of people. Does she owe anyone an explanation on her choices? No, she doesn’t. She is managing to take care of her babies without being on any type of government assistance, yet she is scrutinized in the public eye on a frequent basis and challenged by complete strangers to have her children taken away from her. Do I doubt that she loves her children? No, I don’t. It is very apparent that she loves them. She just chose to have a family in a non-traditional way and who am I to judge that?
Sometimes as I look at the people who barrage me with endless questions, I wonder what are they really thinking?
Do they even have a conscious? Are they aware of the words that come out of their mouth? Do they really think they are justified in their approach? Or are they really very innocent in their questions and completely in awe at how “mothers of many” manage their day? I know that I fell in the last category when I only had two children and I first heard about the Gosselin family.
I was really fascinated to see how this family handled their day-to-day lives. I was one of the people that watched in awe as I saw how organized she was, because if it were me I don’t think that me plus eight children under five would equal any kind of sanity. I have always been of fan of how Kate Gosselin raised her children with not only discipline, but love and traditions. (I’m talking about her relationship with the children, and not with her husband. That is a whole different post for a different day.) Unlike the thousands of other people who scrutinized her and Jon’s decision to have this many children so close together, I was still a huge fan.
So what are your opinions on the “big family interest” that some people have?
Are you the type to be in amazement at how a “mommy of many” does it? What is your definition of a “large” family, or when do you think that one has had “too many children?” Do you question the judgement of a family is goes completely beyond the norm in child bearing? If you’re a mommy of many have you dealt with this type of treatment? If so, how did you handle it? Do you find that some people are more in awe, but it comes off as being rude? I can’t wait to hear your opinions!
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I’M ON TWITTER
As a mommy to five (four boys and one little girl) with number 6 (boy #5) due in less than 2 weeks, I’ve seen it all! I’ve learned to smile and move on…otherwise I would be wasting my precious energy on strangers, rather than my own kids, lol.
Dear Shannon,
It looks like we are in the same boat. Almost. I have four sons and my fifth is finally my baby girl. (I have a feeling that she will be my only little girl if I ever decide to have anymore. lol) I need to learn the raw talent of smiling and moving on. I really do. I practice it on a daily basis but I feel as if I’m going to have to pray about it harder then ever. When I’m questioned so strongly, I feel as if people are attacking my children and then I go into mama bear mode then. lol
I’m glad you left a comment on my website.
I am definitely going to have to bookmark your blog and check out your beautiful babies.
Take care,
Shynea
I THINK YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD OF YOUR FAMILY! I HAVE 7 BLESSINGS! MY YOUNGEST IS 2 MONTHS OLD. I GET RUDE REMARKS ALL OF THE TIME EVEN FROM FAMILY MEMBERS WHO CARES EVERYONES DEFINITION OF FAMILY IS DIFFERENT.
I really can’t speak on how many children a woman has is too many, because I am 35 & I don’t have any children & believe it or not I got a lot of backlash from friends. They say that me being 35 with no kids is SELFISH of me??? I’m like wait how is that?? It’s crazy & I look at all the ones you mentioned above including yourself & think MY GOODNESS, there should never be a dull moment. Not MY GOODNESS THAT’S TOO MANY KIDS…If you want to have 10 children that is YOUR BUSINESS, we are not helping clothe, feed or take care of your children. Hell I raise a glass to you & commend you. If your body is still able to make babies I’m all for it. You stop when YOU are READY. People need to MTOB (mind their own business) and leave their negative comments to themselves. I am sure you are a great mommie… Thumbs up to u *wink*
Dear Kaicheal,
You have no idea how many times I have heard the EXACT SAME THING said about a woman who has chosen to not have children right away. To be called selfish? I think that is over stepping boundaries. Some people just don’t want to spit out kids when there 20. Some would prefer to wait until their 40. Others prefer to not have any at all. All personal decisions. (I don’t see anyone climbing up Oprah’s flagpole because she chose to not have any babies.) I respect your decision 100% because you are doing what’s right for you. I try to be a great mom. I’ll know if I succeed when my babies get grown and they aren’t having horrible flashbacks from their childhood.
Take care,
Shynea
There is nothing wrong with a big family and remember children are a blessing from God. Enjoy your kids and the baby girl on the way.
Although I only have one child, I have always admired people with large families (when the children are well-behaved and there’s obviously a lot of love and care that goes into the children). If I thought I was capable of raising 4 or 5 kids, I would probably do it. I think large families are beautiful. Especially as they get older and you get a house full of individual, dynamic personalities, plus all of their friends! Call me crazy, but it just seems like it would be so rewarding. I think it’s someone’s personal choice how many children they have, and it’s not anyone’s business. There is a family at my church that has 13 kids, most of them adopted, but a beautiful family nonetheless. And I admire them. I don’t know what’s up nowadays, with people thinking that someone else owes them an explanation for the decisions they make. None of us should have to explain anything to anyone else, especially not when it comes to our kids, who are each a blessing, whether they are number 1 or number 7.
Dear K.O.,
Oh sweetie, how you make me smile!
I was the person who said I didn’t want any kids, to changing my mind and saying I only wanted one to changing my mind again and saying I wanted as many as I could afford financially and mentally. I know that not everyone is made to raise a large family. Patience is a virtue that I am always working on on a daily basis. I still want to adopt, even though I have five of my own. I have always wanted to give a child with no home a loving, permanent home to come to everyday. I think people cross the line of common courtesy and curiosity when they see a large family. Sometimes that is okay, it just depends on how they present themselves and their questions. I LOVE to talk and will chat all day, but when I feel as if I’m being judged or scrutinized my defenses go up.
Take care,
Shynea
As the oldest of five, I grew up with a lot of negativity surrounding the size of our family. My parents both came from six kids, and they wanted six also but never made it that far. I remember my parents always complaining about vacation sweepstakes being for “families of four”, repeating negative things people would say, and even criticizing people who had only 1 or 2 kids. We also struggled financially for most of my life and although I know material things aren’t important, let’s just say that my teen years were kind of tough. The worst thing though was my mom’s own attitude toward her large family. I’m sure the comments from people bothered her, and that’s probably why she felt like we were a burden to others. She didn’t do a good job hiding it. If a family friend or relative wanted to spoil us with a treat or gift or invitation to a party or something she would tell them, “no, my five kids don’t need that, it’s too much for you.” I felt like I wasn’t able to have the same opportunities as others simply because I was from a big family, and it wasn’t even my fault! I guess all of this contributed to my desire NOT to have a big family of my own. I never say never though – maybe I’ll feel differently someday, especially if we find ourselves in a better financial situation.
I try not to judge anyone who has a big family. It does infuriate me when I see older siblings raising younger siblings instead of having a proper childhood…but otherwise, if parents have the time, resources and love to care for each and every child they have, then who am I to judge? I think if a couple decides to have a large family, or do anything outside the “norm”, then they have to own that decision. If you are doing what makes you happy or what you believe you are called to do, then let the criticism roll off (although I do believe that people who criticize are beyond rude). Don’t expect the rest of the world to conform to your views or complain about it when they don’t, just be a good example that other people might want to follow! Above all, don’t bring negativity home to your family, or use them to prove a point. Whether I end up with a large family or just a small one, I want to do everything in my power to ensure that my kids have nothing to worry about.
Jen,
I LOVE it when you come to my website and leave comments. You always give me something to think about. You really do. I have found myself doing the same thing sometimes with my own children that your mother did with you. I find it hard sometimes to let people treat my children to things because I feel that with the amount of children I have it can get expensive, time consuming, or burdensome. So I often try to keep them with me or keep them at home. I am just now correcting myself and realizing that I’m not asking for these treats to be handed out, that they are being offered. Which is very different.
I thank you SO much for coming here and sharing your story. I know that large families have a different dynamic and I too get really upset (more like pissed) when I some some of the older children in a large family robbed of their childhood because they have to take care of their younger siblings. That, to me, is why so me people have a bad impression of what large families are. I would NEVER impose the responsibility of raising my youngest children onto my older children.
Take care,
Shynea
I only have one at the moment, but I plan on having more. I’m not sure how many but I’ve never been one to question people on ‘why’ they have large families. I cannot believe someone would tell you that you shouldn’t have any more! That’s NONE of their business. Your 4 are adorable btw & #5 is sure to be too!
Dear Lua,
I thought that that person was playing at first. But when I looked at his face, I saw that he was really serious. Thank you for the compliment on my four. They are a handful, but they bring me SO much joy everyday. I can’t wait to see what baby girl looks like.
Take care,
Shynea
As the mother of four girls and a boy all born in an eight-year time span, we get a TON of looks when we go places. We were out to eat once and the server made some comment about where the section was with the cheaper meals. I almost came unglued. If we couldn’t afford to be here, we wouldn’t be! I have come to believe that most comments and questions are presented with good intentions – some people are just curious; even so, I can’t say it annoys me any less.
Yes, I’m married. Yes, they’re all mine. Yes, they’re all my husband’s. No, my tubes are NOT tied. No, my hubby hasn’t gotten a vasectomy… yet… No, we didn’t plan to have this many. lol It’s never ending. But you know what… even if I had NEVER been married and all of my kids were by different people, as long as they are LOVED, SECURE, and PROVIDED FOR, it’s really no one’s business what goes on in my family – or in your’s – or in anyone else’s.
There are people with ONE child who should be catching a side-eye because of the way they DO NOT seem to care about that ONE, but yet people have the nerve to question why a family wanted to have 5+ kids? My children are SPOILED, bad as all get out because they KNOW they are loved and they don’t have to EARN that love. They are secure. They are respectful and know how to act in public even though – like your’s – they might act like they have lost their minds at home on occasion. My kids hair is always nice, clothes are always presentable, and they know they will catch the wrath if they act up when they are in someone else’s care. Why? Because we are good parents. And we teach them that. It seems like people assume people who have large families aren’t able to raise them as well. I strongly disagree. If anything, I OVERPARENT them BECAUSE there are so many of them and if I let ONE thing go, chaos will ensue.
I don’t feel the need to justify my family structure to ANYONE. And neither should you. Or Nadia. Or Kate. I personally think Nadia is INSANE (lol) but I can’t say what SHE shouldn’t have done. I can just say *I* can’t do more than 5. I’m done haha!!!
Dear Kat,
I agree with you about not feeling the need to justify my family structure. I have this mother bear instinct though, and sometimes I feel like those comments are personally attacking my kids and that is a no no in my book. I agree with you 100% too when you said that there are some people with only one child that should be getting the side eye. Family structure is a personal choice, and I’m trying not to take it too personally when peoples curiosity comes off as being rude.
Take care,
Shynea
My wife and I have three going on four. We were at the grocery store the other day, and fellow walks up and says “Are they all yours?”
“Yep,” I said, proud papa, “and another on the way.”
“Not very bright, are you?” he says. “You know, there are things you can do to keep that from happening.”
Now, bear in mind that I’ve never lain eyes on this man before in my life.
I don’t understand it. Of all the things the man could have said to me, he had to try to tear down the one thing in my life I’d managed to do right? I’m so proud of my children, and my marriage, and that I’ve been as reasonably passable a father as I’ve been so far.
I’m trying to come up with a polite response to people like this, but so far, all I can do is sputter. Better than then throw these people through the nearest wall.
Dear JessD,
Congratulations to you and your wife on your beautiful family. I applaud you in taking pride for your children, because it is on a very rare occasion that you will find a man happy to stand up and acknowledge their beautiful children. I think the only person who’s “brightness” should be questioned in this situation is the man who had the audacity to tell you that there were ways that you could have fixed that. I am SO happy that you are a reader of my website and that you took time out of your schedule to leave me a comment. Your wife is a VERY lucky woman and I hope that your marriage, and your family, continue to prosper.
Take care,
Shynea
My definition of a large family varies. A lot of days it’s any more children than the two I have. Other days, it’s someone with say..six kids. Either way, it doesn’t make me no never mind if someone has one child or ten. When I see ANYONE with more than two I think to myself, “God bless them. How do they do it?” mostly because I know the limits of my patience and my two have driven me to the brink on many occasions and I’m amazed at the fortitude of anyone who can manage it. And if I see anyone with say, the family size of the Duggar’s, my brain explodes and comes oozing out of my ear. I think part of the reason that there’s such an interest in big families, is that at one point in time it used to be the norm. Most of our parents and grandparents came from big families…that’s just the way it was. Over the years, that shifted and the family size grew smaller…for a myriad of reasons I’m sure. Does that give anyone the right to be Judgy McJudgerson? No. But then, someone is always going to be sticking their nose up about something, so…eh. Like someone said, there are families with one child not receiving the love of families with five, so…when people ask rude questions, just tell them “NOYDB.” That’s an acronym. I’ll let you figure that one out.
Dear Mona,
You ALWAYS manage to make me smile. You really do. And it took me half a second to figure out what “NOYDB” meant. lol It’s so funny, because when I see a family with more than five I’m always thinking “Whoa, how do they do that” when someone is looking at me at the same time thinking the same exact thing. lol But I say it in a “I’m fascinated and I want to learn anything she has to offer” kind of way.
My dad’s mother has 18 kids. Back then, big families were the norm. Especially if you lived on or owned a farm. My mom’s mother had 9 kids. So what was normal back then has become strange now-a-days.
I agree that there are families with one children that should be getting the side eye. I don’t know. Maybe this baby has my hormones all out of whack. lol
Take care,
Shynea
You know I have to put my “2cents” in, Shynea!(smiles…luv ya)! I have 8 babies, 5 girls and 3 boys! I absoltuely believe every child is a blessing, whether its 1 or 10! The bottom line is “to each its own”. If a woman wants to have 1 baby or 15 babies who business is it that she does? Nobody is paying her bills or contributing so why speak? I take my kids a lot of places like to the store, out to each,etc. People always ask me and my hubby…”are all yours?” we happily say YES! Having a large family just means it more to love and more people to love you! (Blessings)!!!
Dear Kenesha,
Your two cents is ALWAYS welcomed over here! I agree with you! A large family is MORE to love and MORE people to love you. Growing up, my family wasn’t the most affectionate family. But now I am inundated on a daily basis with more hugs, kisses, snuggles and cuddles then I know what to do with and it feels SO good. As long as a family can financially and emotionally take care of their children I believe in the more the merrier.
Take care,
Shynea
i think it’s beautiful, girl. i want five children.
still “waiting” on a highly publicized black-family though, with a lot of kids.
you chose some good pictures of these families to share. diverse bunch, but where are the black folks! ;]
best,
whit
Mark 1:14-15
I totally have been in your shoes. I live in Las Vegas and EVERYTIME I go out shopping with my 4 kids (ages 2,4, 6, and 7) people always ask if we are done having children! Can you believe this? It is none of their freakin’ business. How dare they!!! I ignore people and just know that if my health would allow me I would have even more.
Dear Maggie,
People are ridiculous sometimes. I love children. I’m not saying that everything is all peaches and cream, but I always have someone at home to love on, or talk to, or play games with. It just feels right to me to have the amount of children that I have.
Take care,
Shynea
It is no one’s business how many children a person has. In fact, if there are one or 10 children, as long as the kids are well-taken care of and loved, I see no problem. My grandmother had nine children and my mother had five; all of the children have turned out to be productive citizens. Let the comments of others roll off your back; I am sure there is something in their lives that they are not happy about but they choose to take it out on others. Enjoy your family!
I am a proud momma of four kids, two boys and two girls. I get the looks and the comments. It crazy what some people say. We aren’t planning to have anymore but if so than I will be thrill like I was with the rest of them.
I believe that a lot of people are just judgemental, an honestly have nothn better to do if there not talking about others. As for innocent children an the number of them a person chooses to have planned or not doesnt matter as long as you are taking care of them in the manner that is appropriate. I have five of my own 4 boys an 1 girl with my youngest being twin boys. So with that being said I get those same looks as well as comments an use to bother me but now I just don’t care, because they don’t want for anythng an I no that I take excellent care of them and they are happy well mannered children. So all in all do your thing girl an raise your babies the way you no how, an best wishes for your soon to be joyful baby girl. Shynea
Dear Kamakia,
We have the same amount of children, and I am still in awe of you because you have twins. lol That makes being a mother that much more interesting because you have two babies going through the same developmental stages at the same time. (I know I could learn a lot from you.) My mama instinct makes me feel as if they are saying negative things about my children when they question me, but I am beginning to realize that everyone can’t be educated or pleased, and what I need to do is start ignoring people and move on.
Take care,
Shynea
Anyone can love a large family, but supporting one is a different thing. As a taxpayer it is somewhat my business as to how much I have to pay for someone elses children and food and housing. I agree as a temporary measure public assistance is a great thing for people, but knowing that one can’t support their own family, why keep having children you cannot provide for. Why keep having kids when you rely on the government to put a food on the table, a roof over your heads and medical care. Why keep having kids when you can’t even pay the rent! This should be a concern of everyone. You don’t see people complaining about large families that are taking care of their own. Nadia Sulleman for one was on public assistance when she only had 6 children, and the family of 19 has a business and reality show to provide for their brood. If you can afford them, great, but having to live with help of public assistance for years and years and being evicted isn’t a way of life. Just my 2 cents, coming from the other side of this. Children are a wonderful gift from God but you have to have a means of support other than assistance.
Dear Quiet,
I agree with you. The decision to have a large family should be a responsible decision, and made by a couple/family/person who is able to financially take care of their children. As a tax payer, our money goes to a lot of things other then public assistance though. The actual amount of money that goes to public assistance is a lot less compared to some of the things that the government funds our money with. You are 100% correct when you say that people shouldn’t keep having children if they can’t even provide them the basic neccessities in life. I will not argue with you there.
I disagree with you when you say that you don’t see people complaining about large families that are taking care of your own. That is not true. Just google Duggars or Gossselin and you will find pages of people degrading them and complaining about them, and neither of these families have ever been on public assistance. I feel as if some people will complain about large families regardless of whether they are financially taking care of them on their own or not.
Take care,
Shynea
I pretty much feel the same as you. As you know, I am a mommy of 4 and everyone always says the same thing about us when we are out in public. They all ask how I do it and they tell me about how well behaved they are.
I have to be honest with ya, it really does feel good when we get these comments. People don’t have more than 1 or 2 children these days. I think it is very special to have lots of children, as long as you can handle it of course. Yes, there will be overwhelming times where you feel like pulling your hair out, but isn’t it awesome to be a parent? I would not trade it for anything in the world.
And those with LOTS of children like the Gosselins or Duggars – God bless them. I would probably do the same if we had the space and finances to support them. But I think it is also important to think things out before going that route. Make sure you are not bringing children into an unstable situation.
I do wonder sometimes about what my family thinks about me. I have 4 children and we are living in a small 2 bedroom home. We don’t have a lot of money or anything. We can’t afford all those classes that most kids take now-a-days. But we have Lots and Lots of love, and I think that is all that matters. People will think what they do and I say to that – GET OVER IT PEOPLE. LOL My children, how many I have, and how I raise them is MY business.
Anyway, you are doing an awesome job girl and I wish you all the best with all that you do as a mom and in your business. Us moms are very special and we do what we need to do. Much love to ya, DAWN
Dear Dawn,
I agree with everything that you said in your comment. My children aren’t able to take all of the “fancy” classes that children are doing now-a-days but our home is full of love and to me that is all that matters. Extracurricular activities is just that, extra. It doesn’t mean that you’re a bad parent. I feel as if people should also take into account their finances when having a big family as well. As long as you’re able to afford them then I say “more power to you.” I have seen your children and pictures of your home, and your children are gorgeous and your home is beautiful. It doesn’t matter how much bedroom space you have as long as they are happy. And your children have that beautiful backyard and that awesome playroom space to play in. You are doing an amazing job and YOU should keep up the good work as well. I am in awe of you as well because you work at home AND take care of four little ones. I could learn some lessons from you on organization and patience.
Take care,
Shynea
I am sorry that you get comments like that! I am the oldest of six and my mom had four of us extremely close and she looks young for her age. We were raised in Connecticut were lots of families consist of one or two or three children at the most. When she was pregnant with her fifth people (in the grocery store lines mind you…)would Ask her if she knew what birth control was. It was dumb. My husband comes from eight. We only have two right now but would love 6 or more children! I don’t know how many times I hve heard recently that “4 is the new 8″ I think it is sad. Everyone says it’s because the world is so different Now. But children bring so much joy!! I say good for you! We need more women who aren’t selfish with their bodies and time to have more children. Congrats!! I hope your delivery goes well.
Dear Heather,
I can’t believe that someone would say that to your mother in front of her children. Not only is that rude, but that is disrespectful and I feel if words like that were spoken around my kids I would blow a gasket. I don’t think “4 is the new 8″ because four is still a small number to me. (But I’m guessing anything under five is small to me.
) I say more power to you and your husband and I hope you have the big, beautiful family that you want.
Take care,
Shynea
Good Morning Shynea,
I will start out by saying like I always do. You have a beautiful family and you are doing a great job. You have as many children as your heart desires. Some people are so ignorant and they sometimes don’t think before they speak. And also it is none of their business. They don’t have to provide for your kids. Kids are all a blessing. Keep up the good work. And I know you can’t wait for your little girl’s grand entrance. Have a great day and take care.
Cynthia
Dear Cynthia,
Thank you SO much for your kind words. I really appreciate it. As long as I am able to financially, emotionally and physically take care of my children I do plan on having at least one more. If any of the three things above change, then I won’t. I feel as if as long as you can take care of them then other’s shouldn’t have a problem.
I am really excited about my little girls grand entrance. I still can’t believe that I have been blessed with a baby girl.
Take care,
Shynea
I would do ANYTHING to have been able to have 5 kiddos! But alas, infertility struck me. So I have my 16 year old who was a surprise, but for my 1 year old I had to fight tooth and nail and go thru extremes to get her in my arms.
so hug ur babies tight and ignore jealous ol’ hags.
You know I envy you – really! I’d love to have five kids but I’m already getting horrid looks and remarks especially from my family about the fact that I have three boys. Yep – just three and already I feel like I’m a Duggar in the eyes of those around me.
Yes, I know that now for me is not a good time and we could not afford another baby…blah blah blah. But I am not done. I want more. I want a daughter.
I will wait though as for ME I just can’t handle another. We need a house first and more room then this small apartment can offer. I need a more steady income as my husband works hard but still it’s not enough.
I love the big families – we use to be a society that if you had less than two it was the non-normal thing and now more than two is considered a waste of oxygen and you need to learn what birth control is for.
Yes, we have been in dark times and yes we have had to rely on the government before but I know we need to wait. The only issue I have is when you have two parents that are able to work but don’t and they have dozens of children just for the tax credits and more monthly payments from the tax payers pockets. That’s the only time I have an issue.
Other than that – the more the merrier!
Congratulations on your little baby looking forward to seeing lots of pictures of her!!!
Dear Alaina,
I agree with you 100% on the two lazy parents who are able to work, but don’t. Please believe me, I have seen plenty of families like this, and it starts an unstoppable cycle. Their children are raised like this, thinks that it’s okay, and repeats the cycle when they get older. I know my emotional and financial limits when it comes to having children, and I know that five for me is the limit for the very near and far future.
The norm “back in the day” was that a large family was beautiful. (Some people even thought the more that you had, the better well off you were.) Now, I get stares like I’m a walking circus act. But what is amazing to me as I have been reading these comments, is that a lot of people are experiencing the negative comments and stares from their own family.
I hope that you and your family find yourself in a situation soon that allows you to have the big family that you desire.
Take care,
Shynea
Listen Chica,
Let me tell you something OK, you make beautiful, beautiful babies. I have had the opportunity to spend a little bit of time with you, and all four of them. I was in awe. Why? Because I have never ever seen a mom, have so much control over their kids. They were well behaved (except for when I took little man out the cart, and had him run around with me *wink*). They looked stylish, and you managed to give each of them what they wanted (spoiled babies). Those kids look, and are very happy. You are doing a FANTABULOUS job at raising those kids. I think you should have 10 more.
Girl, I can tell you what they are thinking and it’s not nice. Don’t wonder what other people think, just do your best. You’ll know when enough is enough. For me, that’s 2! But for you that could be 6 or 10 or who knows.
As for Nadya Suleman, that woman should have stopped before she started – she’s obviously not mentally capable of taking care of herself.
But if you can take care of them all and I don’t have to pay for them, have as many as you can manage in a store without killing them.
Well, people often tell me I have a “big” family and that cracks me up. Three children does not seem like a lot to me. Well, okay some days it does – but that has more to do with the fact that the girls are only six and a half months apart and only one of them walks at this point. Sure some days are hard but I love it. I love them. And can I tell you a secret? I want more. At least one more. I love being a mom and I love the idea of a big family. My mother is one of eight and my grandfather used to say that if he had gotten married younger he would have had a big family. But I think of eight as a big family. I do not watch Kate plus eight or the Duggars – my husband is not interested so we do other things. But I would watch if it were just up to me. I am fascinated by these big families and how they do it all.
Hi Sis I think its really no one’s business how many children you have. Its so funny my girls call me Moma Bear also. It really made me mad when someone said why was Nadya out dining and have fun when she had babies at home. I was like a mother can’t go have fun if she have kids, come on. Someone always quick to judge someone and some people can’t even take care of one child. With me being the eldest of six siblings and now recently found out i’m the eldest of four more siblings on my dad’s side, I say the more the merrier. I’m sorry sis why can’t I be like you. I can never hold back saying what I feel especially when it come to my kids or anything. I can’t wait to see my nephews July 2nd its going to be so much fun. If someone messing with you sis let me know I got some extra vaction days…lol naw for real (*_*).
Shynea,
I got grilled for not having any children in my child bearing years.People would ask me why I didnt have any children.they would tell me I needed to make my parents grandparents.I would tell them I could not afford children but they still would tell me I needed at least one.I could not believe they thought they had the right to tell me this.I finally started telling them that my husband was sterile even though it was not true and that would shut them up after they started grilling me and then when they found the reason why you didnt have kids could hear the so sorrys coming out of their mouths.I am not a liar but they deservrd to be shut up and I bet they thought twice before minding someone elses business on having children.No telling how many people didnt have to put up with this due to what I told them.HA HA!
I never had children but love them dearly because later on I did have lots of female problems to caused me to be infertile but you know what is best for you and it doesnt matter if you have kids or not people love to tend to other peoples business so just consider the source when dealing with these nosey busy bodies.
I am looking forward to seeing your bundle of joy and your kids are precious.
Take care God Bless,
Nicole
This is my first time posting. I just wanted to say I love your blog and read it all the time. I will be 30 at the end of the year and I do not have a child yet nor am I married (but hopefully that will change in the next year or two or 3!. I always thought that by now I’d have at least 3 kids but my life didn’t go the way I had originally planned. I too have have been criticized for not having kids yet. I think if you have a lot or none at all people will still for some reason feel the need to comment about your situation. I do however plan to have as many as I physically can, God willing. Whatever His plan is for me, I’m game. I think its absolutely wonderful that you have done such a great job taking care of your family.
Dear Tiffany,
Life has NEVER went as I planned it. lol I wanted to have my first child after I was 30 years old & had finished college. But here I am, 27 years old with my fifth one on the way. *smiles* I think by now I am using to just going-with-the-flow. I know that God is going to bless you with the family that He desires you to have. You just wait, you’ll have your husband and your beautiful family when the time is right.
Take care,
Shynea
I wouldn’t be amazed, nor would I question someone (other than OctoMom) about their decision. You do what you feel you need to, as long as you are able to take care of them and raise them well. However, a “large” family is not for me. But I would never condemn anyone (other than OctoMom)for having one. I have many friends with 4+ kids. Whatever floats your boat (other than OctoMom)!
Dear Tabitha,
Your “other than OctoMom” statements made me smile. You can tell that maybe she is a little off upstairs and delusional as well. I have watched many interviews with her, and she is finally coming to the realization that her childish dreams were a little overboard.
Take care,
Shynea
There is nothing wrong with having as many children as one wants. As long as you know how to make them and how to not make them. I only have one, but that is by choice. I am a single parent and have vowed to not have another one until I am married. And again that’s my choice and I have been scrutinized for not having another even though I am not married. No one is perfect and if your children, my child, and anyone who wants to have many childre show responsibility and can raise there children appropriately—-HALLELUJAH!!!! I’m all for it. People have nothing better to talk about. Why don’t they notice and say anything when a child is being mistreated right in their eyes?! Keep doing what you do because you are the best at what you do! & tell your family we love them no matter what the number may be!
I love big famlies. I have a total of 13 neices and nephews. I want to have 8 kids like my mom but can’t seem to have them at this point with me and my husband both going to school. My grandmother had 13 children, my mom has 8 and my 5 aunts have between 3-11 children a piece (there is more but I don’t think I can post all of them) I guess I’m use to a big family. I feel that if you want to have 18 kids go for it. I say the more you have the more love you have. I enjoyed living with all of my brothers and sisters and would not change it for the world.
When my husband and I met I had 3 and he had twins that were the same age as my youngest. So, whenever we went ANYWHERE people would have to comment on the three 3 yr olds and ask how they were related since my daughter was not identical. I always thought that was rude.
Then there were the people that would ask “Are they all yours??” when we had all 5. Now we have 2 more together, so 7 total. And we still get comments, though not as many now that they aren’t all so little. When the 7th was born they were 11, 9, 6 1/2 x 3, and 2 1/2. People thought we were crazy.
You should have seen the looks we got when we had 5 (ages 4,4,4,7 and 9) and I was big pregnant with #6. We went to Sea World and people would literally stop and STARE at us. People are just RUDE.
The entire point of sex is for procreation. The lord says the way into to heaven is to be childlike. Children are the most humble & in my opinion should be held most high. Continue on with your journey… I love it… I only have one three year old but she is my heart walking in sneakers I love her dearly. Congrads on being blessed.