STANDING ON MY SOAPBOX: JUST BECAUSE I DON’T GO TO CHURCH DOESN’T MEAN I’M NOT A GOOD CHRISTIAN
When I do these “Standing on my Soapbox” posts I don’t mean to ruffle any feathers. Especially when it comes to religion because I know that everyone will have their own beliefs. However, I have been told on more than one occasion that to be a “true” Christian you have to attend an actual, physical church. (These comments were made in reference to me when I said that I have had a bad experience with organized religion and that I don’t know if I will ever attend another church service again.)
I beg to differ that I can’t be a good Christian if I don’t attend church.
I have always leaned strongly on this verse in the Bible:
For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
Matthew 18: 20 (Kings James version)
Bible verses can be interpreted in many different ways. It all depends on who’s reading the Bible verse and what they are going through, or how they are feeling, at the time. To me, this Bible verse is very cut and dry. It doesn’t state that you have to be in a separate building outside of your home in order to have God present. So does that not mean that the Bible studies I have at home with my children don’t count?
I was also told that effective ministry takes place in person, face-to-face.
I don’t believe in this statement either. With technology, and the majority of every household having a computer and internet access, online ministries are becoming more and more prevalent. Through your computer you have the ability to reach so many more people who may be struggling with their faith, need a prayer, wants someone to talk to, needs encouraging words sent their way, or just a “virtual” shoulder to cry on. Through the internet you can touch lives that you may have never otherwise been able to touch by being face-to-face because miles separate you. Through the internet you will find people reaching out for prayer requests. Through the internet you can spread God’s word 24-7. So who says that in order for a ministry to be effective you have to be physically facing a person?
All of these comments were made by people who attend church on a regular basis and I am still baffled by their reasoning. Yes, I have had a bad experience with belonging to a church and watching it crumble before my eyes due to lies, deception, and egos. I know that one experience with a church should not deter me from trying to find another church home to belong to. But in saying that, it is also hard to look at people that you once looked up to as spiritual leaders only to find out that they had a big hand in your church home ripping at the seams.
I understand that no one is perfect, people are only human and will make mistakes, but like many others do I held my church leaders on a pedestal.
Needless to say, when everything was exposed it really soured me to the fact that maybe all church leaders are this way. A church I attended for years made the pastor’s job so intolerable that he quit. The new pastor’s wife was so spiteful that she refused to let my Sunday school teacher, who was a woman, step up as co-pastor because she was a woman. (I believe that women can take a leadership role in the church. I know that others may not.) Said pastor’s wife even went as far as to jump up on the pulpit and block my Sunday school teacher from walking up there. After this church service debacle I have never looked at church the same way again.
I have tried to find another church home to belong to. I like the sense of “family” that I get when attending church. I don’t like a church to be too small, but then again I don’t want to get lost in a mega-church either. I want to be able to volunteer on different committees and at different functions. I want my children to attend fun events at church where I know that their faith, prayer, and worship will be the center of everything that they do. I want to go on women’s retreats. It still has been well over ten years since I have belonged to a church.
I am in the process of creating my own online community, magazine, and ministry for Christian women.
I expect great things to come from this because it is something that I am passionate about and something that I have prayed about for a long time. Eventually I will turn my online ministry into an offline non-profit ministry as well. I believe that God blesses many different types of ministries and that he doesn’t just bless the ones that meet people face-to-face.
Do you believe that in order to be a good Christian you have to attend a physical church?
REMINDER: All opinions, even those that don’t agree with me, are welcomed. When leaving a comment, please be respectful and don’t condemn one for their beliefs. You can express your opinion in a mature way without being rude or nasty. All comments will be treated respectfully by me. Inappropriate or off topic comments will be deleted.
Cross photo credit to Glen’s Pics.
Past “Standing on my Soapbox” posts:
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I’M ON TWITTER
I don’t believe you have to go to church to be a good Christian. But I know you can’t grown in isolation only in community.
Dear Rhonda,
I agree with you. I know that I won’t be able to grow like I want to in isolation. Because of my two oldest boys I have made it my goal to find a church home for our family before the end of the year.
Take care,
Shynea
Hi, I just had to comment on this post. I believe very strongly that you don’t have to be in Church to be a good Christian. I just recently accepted Jesus into my life (about 3 months ago), and this happened at home in front of a television broadcast of a Nationally known ministry. I don’t think God feels any less happy about my acceptance and love for Him and His Son, even though it was because of a technological device and not in a church.
About 2 months ago, my husband and I finally found a church to attend that made us feel welcomed and accepted. As our Pastor says, Jesus didn’t try to win souls by going to a church, he went out and preached to the lame, the sick, the lepers, and the ones that society cast out for various reasons.
I truly believe that if Jesus were physically here today, He would be using every form of communication available to Him to spread The Good News, that includes, tv, radio, the internet, telephone, text messaging, email and yes, even social networks!
God does not care where you worship him, he only cares that you do worship him. He doesn’t want any of His children to suffer or go astray and He accepts us just as we are, exactly where we are.
Now I will step down from my Soapbox and stand behind you and support your decision and choice.
p.s. Let me also say this, there are many so called Good Christians that go to church regularly that don’t really “get it”. I personally think they wear the “cloak” of Christianity by going to church regularly on Sunday but once they walk out the door, they go back into the world and commit vile acts of sin.
Dear Theresa J,
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on accepting Jesus into your life!
I am glad to hear that you and your husband were able to find a church home. I know that that is SO important to help someone grow in their walk with God. I know that I’m stunting my growth by not attending church, but I want to know that the church that I do eventually settle down in is a good church for my family.
I’m starting to see that every church will have a few in it that act unChristian like and that I can’t let them deter me from growing spiritually.
Take care,
Shynea
I don’t believe that church attendance is required to be a good Christian. I do believe that fellowship is useful if you can find a group of passionate Christians to fellowship with. But going to church just for the sake of going to church is useless because it’s for the wrong reasons. I believe a family can worship at home and be approved of by God because their heart is in the right place and that’s the most important thing of all.
Dear Cassandra,
Thank you SO much for your comment. I am still on the look for a group of passionate Christians to fellowship with and I am learning that I can’t let one bad experience, or the acts of a few people, deter me from growing spiritually. I do know that when me and my sons sit down and talk about God that He is amongst us but I think it would be better to have them in church at this point in their lives.
Take care,
Shynea
I think it is good to have the mindset that it isn’t all about me. I should go to church to offer my God given talents and skills and passions to bless others. Maybe someone at the church is having a hard time and they need a hug. Maybe I’m that person that day.
Read this article. It is good.
http://www.answers2prayer.org/bible_questions/Answers/church/church.html
Dear Alison,
I really appreciate you linking me to that article. This paragraph really stuck out to me:
“My friend, you do not need to carry your burdens all by yourself. Great support is available at your church. Yes, there are hypocrites, but there are also some genuine Christians available. Help is available. Why not reach out to that help?”
That article was something I really needed to read.
Take care,
Shynea
Hi Shynea,
It’s about your relationship with God, in and out of the church. If I were you,just a suggestion
, I’d focus on overcoming the hurt that’s keeping you from fellowshipping, volunteering, and worshipping at a church. It’s apparent that you enjoyed it. If the leaders allowed themselves to be used to break apart a church and keep persons like you from sharing their gifts and being ministered to in a church setting, then Satan has succeeded in doing what he set out to do.
If hurt, unforgiveness, and fear that you can’t trust ‘church folk’ are keeping u at home, that’s really not o.k. God hasn’t given us the spirit of fear, but the power to overcome. And we must forgive others as He forgives us. Forgive, let go, and be open to whatever God is telling you to do, even if it’s a little uncomfortable with you having come out of your situation.
Staying at home is fine. It’s about whether or not God is pleased with our actions, and if we are acting as His representatives on Earth by following His Word.
Dear Adrienne,
You have really given me something to think about. I have never looked at my situation from the perspective that you laid out before me:
“If the leaders allowed themselves to be used to break apart a church and keep persons like you from sharing their gifts and being ministered to in a church setting, then Satan has succeeded in doing what he set out to do.”
I also see that I am choosing not to go to church, not only out of fear, but out of disbelief. I feel that every church environment I go to will be the same and I can’t be that way. I’m really glad that I wrote this post because I have so many great women given me good advice and great scriptures to read.
Thank you for this comment.
Take care,
Shynea
who says going to church makes you a good Christian? I believe that church is a great place for fellowship, discipleship, and growth. The apostles spent much of their time establishing and growing the church and look how far it has come. Instead of thinking about why I should not be going, I tend to think about what I may be missing out on from God if I don’t go. I guess you just need to ask God personally to lead you to a place where you can grow. I do understand your qualms though
Dear Dezzi_24,
You have brought up a good point. I haven’t asked God to lead me to another church. I haven’t even thought about praying to find a good church home. I don’t know what I’ve been thinking but I am glad that you brought that up to me. I am just now getting into the habit of praying to God for guidance on ALL parts of my life and not just the parts of my life I’m willing to let go. I know that I will never be able to guide myself the way that He would be able to guide me.
Take care,
Shynea
Hi Shynea,
It’s all about the relationship with Christ, inside, and outside of the church.
I would suggest, and it’s just a suggestion
, that you focus on overcoming the hurt that’s keeping you from volunteering, fellowshipping, and worshipping at church. It’s apparent that you enjoyed it. If your previous leaders were used to tear the church apart, and keep you from sharing your gifts and being ministered to in a church setting, then Satan has accomplished what he set out to.
If hurt, pain, unforgiveness, and fear of ‘phony church folk’ is keeping you at home, that is not ok. God hasn’t given us the spirit of fear, and we must forgive others as He forgives us.
A relationship with Christ, and being obedient to His Word, even when it’s uncomfortable, is what’s important.
Praying for your peace and sending lots of love your way!
No, I don’t think you need to go to church to be a “good Christian”. But I think it is terrible how the enemy works hard against us Christians concerning church. Many of us have been hurt by the church or so called leaders in the church and it oftentimes causes us to stay away completely. I am so sorry that has happened to you.
We are definitely blessed to have all different forms of Christian community today. One of my favorites is through Christian TV. It is so awesome that we can be fed on a daily basis through great preaching and teaching. I think it really helps keep things fresh to be able to do all different things. Relationship with God definitely comes first.
I am actually a Pastor’s daughter myself. I grew up in church since I was a little girl. I have watched my parents go through some very difficult things. There were several church splits. There was always someone who wasn’t happy. But at the same time, going through the ups and downs and hurts of being a part of a church – really helped me to be stronger. It was really wonderful as a child to go to Sunday School and VBS, and youth group. Having that support and accountability is so important.
And now as an adult, I have fought with the whole going to church thing, because it can be annoying to get up early and get all the kids ready and out the door. Sometimes I will go and spend the entire time in the nursery and I don’t get to hear the preaching. Sometimes I only get through one worship song and then I am called into the back to deal with a crying child. But I honestly would not have it any other way.
To me, church is a place I can go to not only receive, but also to give back. And yes, there are lots of places we can give back as Christians, but there is just something about getting planted and becoming a part of a church family. I now run the Mom’s group at my church which has been amazing. It has been an avenue to reach out to the community. It has also been a place where I can be kept accountable and a place where I know that I am loved.
No, things are not always perfect. There are days where I don’t FEEL like doing certain things – I don’t always FEEL like tithing and giving my time and energy, but I know that my obedience is going to be blessed and rewarded if not here on earth – then definitely in heaven.
But you have to figure out your life and how you want to live it and that is between you and God. If you know that God is OK with your decision to not go to church – then that is between you and Him. But if you know that God is wanting you to move out and heal from the hurts of the past – then you need to be obedient no matter what the cost. He will show you the way and give you a peace to do whatever He has called you to do. I love that about Him. He is so patient with us and His awesome love and compassion never ever fail. And there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.
Wow, sorry about writing so much. I will be praying for you about those hurts that you have suffered. I am sure that many people can relate with that. Thank God that we can come to Jesus for emotional healing. I don’t know where I would be right now without Him.
God bless ya sweety. I am here for you.
DAWN
Dear Dawn,
Your words brought tears to my eyes. I can honestly say that I am at a lost for words right now. I am really still holding on to past hurts, not just from my experience with the church but with other aspects of my life, and although I thought I was healed from them I’m really not.
I do miss having that sense of belonging to a church family. I am overcome on many days with this overwhelming feeling of loneliness and I can’t shake it. I know that one feeling I NEVER felt while going to church was lonely and I miss that. I miss having people who walked in faith with me by my side to talk to, and pray with.
I know that I’m not allowing myself to grow spiritually like I should. I’m stunting not only my growth, but my children’s growth.
I see now that the only thing I can do is pray about it. I have been taking my problems into my hands for so long that I’m just now at the point in my life where I am praying about everything that goes on and asking Him for guidance. I see now that I need to let a lot more things go then I thought.
I understand exactly what you mean when you say “I don’t know where I would be right now without Him.” There have been many instances in my life where if He wasn’t there with me I wouldn’t be where I am at right now, or the person that I have become. I would have been SO lost and TOO far gone.
Thank you for your words of wisdom and advice. I really needed them right now.
Take care,
Shynea
NO, you don’t have to attend a structure to have church. God is in all of us, no matter where we are. We are all adults and have freedom of choice and opinions. I use to feel guilty when I told others I don’t attend church anymore. Currently, I tell the truth with my head held high; no I don’t like church and I don’t go. I do know that God loves us all, so if He’s ok with it; than so am I!!! I still receive His blessings everyday. I do unto others as I want done unto me!!
First, congratulations Theresa J…that’s something wonderful and I know heaven was rejoicing!
Yeah, that’s a tough one. I am a PK and have been in and out of churches most of my life like Dawn, so I’ve seen the church for all it’s good and bad on many occasions. I don’t believe being a member of a church makes you a “better Christian” than someone who has no church home, but I have to reference Dawn again and agree with her that the Lord wouldn’t want that bitter taste (regarding the church) to remain in your mouth, or in your heart.
Christ loved the church, and I think that “church” can be defined in several different ways and that ultimately, it’s not about an edifice, it’s about the body of believers. I believe our spiritual growth is exponentially more profound when we are in the company of each other than when we are isolated. I’m not in church right now (long story, not a bad one though) and I know my growth is stagnant. I’m not tithing, and I don’t have the discipline to study that I should, so for me personally, I need to be in church. But for others, nowadays, a body of believers might be defined as on-line community…who’s to say?
In the end, God will lead you to where he wants you to be.
You are right. You don’t have to go to church to be a good christian. You can have church in your home with you and your family. I go to streamingfaith.com on Sundays and watch various church services live whenever I don’t feel like going to an actual church. About 2 weeks ago I watched Ma$E, the former rapper, he airs his services live on Sundays and he is pretty good. Online church service is great!
I definitely agree. I’ve have had this conversation with someone at work who said to me how do you call yourself a Catholic if you don’t go to church and I said that as long as you live your life (in any Faith) being a good person having good values and have compassion that is what its all about, then you really have received God in your soul. I have seen people in there dress of Faith, doing things that there faith wouldn’t expect them to do so anyone can look the part but its whats in your heart and soul.
Well, I guess I’m the oddball out. I’m okay with that though.
I’m speaking in love and from my heart.
First of all, we have to understand that there is no such thing as a “good” Christian. Those who are truly saved, know the reality of sin and what we’ve been saved from. That’s huge.
What does God say about our “goodness” or out righteousnesses? According to Isaiah 64:6, “all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags.” If our “goodness” is like dirty, disgusting rags, what does that make our sins. Beyond disgusting…we can’t even imagine the grossness of them.
I love Jesus Christ with my heart, soul and mind because He saved me from myself. Because of the love, joy and peace that He has given me, I obey His word and the principles taught there to worship corporately with His people.
I long to worship with my brothers and sisters. My heart is energized and uplifted.
Obviously, I can worship Christ at home, in the car or wherever I am. But we can’t throw out biblical command and principle and the history of the church.
Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another.”
This passage is written to the church…the body of Christ. From Biblical times (portions of Scripture were written to churches – some with major issues (Corinth)) we can see the example and benefits of meeting corporately with other believers.
My heart breaks that you’ve had awful experiences with church. It makes me sad and I’m pretty sure it is a grief to God’s heart.
With all of that said, I love you girl and I’m praying that God will lead you to a body who will encourage, uplift and minister to your heart.
xoxo
going to church doesn’t make you a Christian. It’s a means to help us grow in our walk with the Lord by being surrounded by others.
So many people have bad experieces with churches and that is so sad. When things like that happen I tend to question the leadership. BUT who am I to judge? Just as those who don’t attend church? Who am I to judge their hearts?
I agree with what Myra said,
Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another.”
This passage is written to the church…the body of Christ. From Biblical times (portions of Scripture were written to churches – some with major issues (Corinth)) we can see the example and benefits of meeting corporately with other believers.
I love my church. We are a family! I love being able to grow with them, and yes there are times when there are conflicts, just as a family has, but we work through them.
I too am sad you had a bad experience before. BUT as I said.. God knows your heart. and if you heart is for him, them that is what matters most.
Belonging to a church and/or going every time the doors open does not make you a Christian. I belong to a church and I love my church, but there are times when I just don’t feel like going. Does that make me any more undeserving than the ones who unlock the doors of the church? No. As Ms. Stephanie said “God knows your heart.” And that is what is important. So we are all going to stand on that soapbox with you. Keep doing what you do because we love you whether you are in church or not. You are a good person and you help a lot of people. God sees how you are and how you treat others no matter where you are or who church you belong to.
I believe that you can be a good Christian without attending a church. We have many people who are shut in, that doesn’t mean that they are not good Christians. I also believe that God wants us to fellowship with other Christians, which is why he wants us in the House of the Lord.
I haven’t attended church on a regular basis in awhile. It’s on my mind constantly. Why, because I need deep in my heart that’s where God wants me to be. I’m sure he wants you there too.
I personally believe that in order to grow spiritually, I need to be in a church. When I go to church I’m not worried about who’s around me, who the hypocrites are, what he/she is wearing etc.. When I go to church it’s about my wonderful, glorious God and my relationship with Him. It is an honor, and a privilege to be in His home.
I don’t get the same benefits sitting in front of a television, or a computer monitor as I do when I am in His house. I rather get my teachings from a church. Why? Because I have been guilty of misinterpreting many things I’ve read online, and I do not want to understand the Bible to my understandings, but to His teachings. I want to be careful that I do not misinterpret the word of God.
I think that some people interpret the Bible for justification of self. I have been guilty of it. I’ve done it to rationalize why I did the things I did. I’m not sure where in the Bible it is stated, but I do know that it’s not a good thing to take from Gods’ word, nor is it a good idea to add to Gods’ word.
Hello All:
I do not believe you must go to a physical church to worship the Lord; because the church is in you. I do have a question for you are you tithing into a ministry? If not in what way are you helping to spread the good news? This is the great commission and if we are helping to spread the word the Lord is happy with us.
Yes, I beleive strongly that you must attend church to be a strong equipped christian we shouldnt judge each other on the standards as bad or good. That judgement can only come from God. There is growth and teachings that you cannot receive in your own understandings. There are many good mentors at churches and you should pray that Gods will be done and connect to a church that will help you grow and allow his will to also manifest within you.