Pampers

GOING BACK TO THE BASICS: WHERE I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A LONG TIME AGO

It has been a long time since I have just sat down and wrote a personal post on my website; I mean really sat down and poured my heart out. 2010 was not the best year for me. I have written about some of the things that I have been through on here, but there were plenty of other things that I kept to myself for the sake of trying to digest exactly how I was going to handle them. I know that life is hard (I have known this for quite some time), but 2010 really showed me that just when I think that things couldn’t get any worse there was always a step below me that I could be knocked down to.

I laughed, I cried, I gave up, and then I woke up the next day to do it all over again.

My faith was tested on a daily basis, and just when I thought that even God had given up on me he showed me that he was still there. I learned last year that just because bad things happened to you didn’t mean that God had forgotten about you, or that he was far behind, but that there was a lesson amidst all of this pain that he wanted to teach you. It was these lessons that shaped me into the woman that is standing here today; it was these exact same lessons that made me stronger and prepared me to handle other events that happened in my life. Had I not experienced any of these lessons I truly would be in a terrible mental state of mind.

I watched as my three year old son made progressions I never thought he would.

Tooty has been diagnosed with developmental and physical delays along with a mild touch of Autism. We have been told that he may never talk or develop like other children his age. Just a few weeks ago I heard my son tell me that he loved me for the first time. To say that anything but tears of joy came from my eyes would be an understatement. Although his verbal skills are very limited he chose to say “I love you” of all things. He may not be able to talk but he can identify his colors, shapes, and some of his letters. He is also a really good beat boxer and can tap out they rhythm to any song after only hearing it a few times. He may not be average in some things but he is excelling in a lot of other areas.

Then there is my baby boy Bammy who is my daily source of entertainment (and grief *smiles*).

Although he makes me want to pull my hair out on most days, there are days where his personality shines through and I am so grateful that God blessed me to have him as my son. This boy has a personality like his dad with an attitude like mine. Mixed together and it can be very lethal (although on most days the terrible two’s phases this out). He keeps me on my toes on a daily basis.

I have my oldest two sons, who although spend most of their time in their own world, let’s me know on a daily basis that I am loved and that they are never too old to love on me.

My oldest sons Isaiah and Elijah helped me to grow up. Being a mother to them, stumbling through raising them and making a lot of mistakes along the way, made me into the mother that I am for my smaller children. Although most mother’s hate to admit it, we all aren’t born with the instinct to raise our children perfectly. No matter how many handbooks and parent “bibles” there are out there, none of them can prepare you for the day-to-day, minute-by-minute, grind that is parenthood. These boys have been through their fair share of pain, but we have gotten through it together.

And then there is my long awaited princes…

To be honest, she is what’s going to make me be a better person for my entire family. I don’t think there are enough words to express just how much I love this little girl. I stare at her while she is sleeping. I worry about her when she isn’t near me. I dream about her when I am sleeping. I hurt when she hurts, and most of the time I cry when she cries (unless it’s that high pitched, gaspy cry that she does, then I just cringe *smiles*). After four boys I was blessed with my own Lil’ Diva and she is more than I ever dreamed for in a little girl. She was made exactly for me.

Looking back at last year, and watching my children, I know what it is that is missing from my life.

I realize that for so long I have been making things so complicated. I have been comparing my successes with other’s successes. I have been defining my happiness based on another’s happiness. I have been feeling a lack within myself, not because I lacked something in essence, but because I lacked an attribute that another possessed. I have never been one to follow the crowd; I’ve always paved my own way, but last year found me doing a lot of things out of the ordinary. So today I have decided to make a change. I’m going to get back to what made me happy. I’ve already started with my family and now I’m going to start with this website.

Yes, I had a few people that were interested in purchasing this website contact me. Three years I have documented my family’s life on here. Three years I have watched this blog grow from nothing to something. It all happened so quickly. In the beginning I was excited about working on my website everyday. I read over all of my posts from the first year that I starting blogging and I found the missing link; what I’ve stopped doing that made me end up hating this website.

I stopped doing me; I stopped having fun.

I have decided to take Penny Pinching Diva back to the basics. Back to what I use to do that made this blog be “not just another blog on the internet.” I’m going to start writing about my family again. I’m going to start posting more pictures. I’m going to get back to teaching people how to save. I’m going to get back to showing people how to stretch their family’s money. I’m going to start doing my live web tv show again. I’m going to start connecting with other women blogs. I’m going to start participating in more online, and offline, events. I’m going to start sharing my simple recipes again; along with my menu plans. I’m going to stop worrying about monetizing my blog; if a company wants to work with me, they will have to work with me “as I am.” I will no longer change who I am to fit into what I think I need to be.

I am going to start doing me again.

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17 Comments

  1. I am so glad you posted this. After tweeting with you today, I feel where you are coming from. And you have my support. I look forward to reading more.

  2. I am so glad you shared this blog with us and you have truly been a blessing to so many. There’s no testimony without the test! I can’t wait to hear more about your family and what God is going to do in your life this year! Linda

  3. I am so delighted to read this post. As a mom, I know what it is like to feel disappointment and also to come to a place where you ask yourself “Now what?!” I am glad that you serve the God that I serve, who has shown me so much mercy and favor. It seems the time that when I was questioning he was busy at work showing me. I just had to let Go and let him. Be blessed!

  4. Amen! I am so happy that you have realized this.

  5. XOXO
    Love it and whatta Blessing
    Leslie
    Leslie Loves Veggies

  6. Just like my sista @Priscilla said, I’m glad too and its not too late to change a perspective and do as you intended. Don’t ever change to please anybody. When its all done…you have to stand before the King alone. We support you, still.

  7. I’m glad that you went through whatever process you needed to go through to get you to realize that PPD is as much your baby as Tootie or Bammy. I remember when your mom first told me that you had a website…I was so proud of you!!! I have to admit that when you first posted that you were leaving PPD, I was astonished (which is what prompted the call). Apparently there was something about the you back then that made this thing work…keep doing what you do.

  8. It is so refreshing to see your back and doing what you love and what makes you happy this blog is not penny pinching diva without you. May God bless you and keep you in your endeavors.

  9. Welcome back shy! welcome home!

  10. Yay! I’m happy for you and excited to see you back.

  11. so so happy for you and your kids! I am really glad you are keeping your website. You have put so much into it. Tooty is an absolute doll and it’s wonderful to hear his progress.

    Looking forward to all your continued sharing!!! 🙂

  12. I am glad that you are back and you have to do you.

  13. I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK!! JUST READING BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES, I HAVE BEEN FEELING DOWN AND OUT ALSO BUT WE ARE STILL STANDING! CONGRATS ON THE SITE….AND BRING ME MORE COUPONS !!!! LOL

  14. You’re one strong MAMA, mama! Welcome back to the basics!

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha

  15. Hi Shynea,

    Tooty and my son have a similar issue. I have done a lot of research and he has made great strides. I would to talk with you and see if we can help each other children. Please contact me at my email addy.

    Tina

  16. Glad you are sticking around

  17. AHHHHHH…..I am so happy for you and the blogging world. You have a lot to offer and I was saddened that you were considering giving it up. That is not you. You are a survivor and I KNEW IT!

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